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1 of 1- jkpeace
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What have children learned, in counseling?
I'm wondering what the best counseling advice everyone has received, in helping children cope with our situation.
Last edited by jkpeace (April 13, 2017 7:52 pm)
- maresyd
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Re: What have children learned, in counseling?
jkpeace, I didn't have kids but have been a counselor (professionally) for several kids in traumatic situations. There are several books about divorce for elementary age kids, I loved using the Marge Heegaard books, When Mom and Dad Separate, and When Something Terrible Happens. They were fantastic because they had places to draw and discuss. Here they are on Amazon:
For the High School Boys, I'm guessing they don't have much to say, but probably have many feelings. Do they see their Dad? Has he spoken to them? What are their opinions on same sex relationships?
Two books I loved for teenagers, if your boys like to read, were by Earl Hipp, Taming Invisible Tigers, and Feed Your Head: Some Excellent Thoughts on Being Yourself.
I'm not sure of your daughter's age...but....being as open about you and how you are doing can be helpful. Kids need to know that things will be ok, and it might actually support you in your healing, too.
Peace to you out there, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. There are people who love you and will support you and your kids through this. You'll make it. Keep posting.
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- maresyd
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Re: What have children learned, in counseling?
Truth is truth. I know that's what you want to say, but depending on the kid's age, it could be tough. The younger ones know as well?
If that's the case, perhaps your counselor can help have a family session where you all openly talk about it?
Being lied to is something kids all understand. They also deserve the ability to talk about how mad/sad/hurt it makes them. Again, you may feel more supported too, and less worried about carrying around their Dad's very very big baggage.
I remember Moms saying to me that they didn't want to turn their kids against their fathers talking about abuse, cheating, etc. And I always remember that we talked about things being what they were. The thing is, he did lie. He did marry you. He did cheat. Those are all real things.
The common denominator is that you (and your kids--if they know), all have to grieve the losses of your family, your life as you knew it, the pain, the shame, the hurt, and deal with trust issues. Those are all very tough things. And it isn't as if they don't know they are going through them.
Silence never helps anyone. We know this all too well.
Peace to you, jkpeace.
Last edited by maresyd (December 10, 2016 6:11 pm)
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- maresyd
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Re: What have children learned, in counseling?
jkpeace, how's it going? How are you and the kids?
“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
- Rob
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Re: What have children learned, in counseling?
Not alone, I think after we've lost everything our one job on the planet will be to take care of the kids...that I can and will do. I have one purpose left.
Even if I'm a beggar on the street living in a cardboard box..my kids can have the box.
May we all stay strong and stoic through this holiday season.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Rob
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Re: What have children learned, in counseling?
Haha,
Yeah.,. I still have some things I enjoy doing...biking etc.. I 'm not a beggar on the street yet.
She did not take all of me. The kids she some shell of a dad.. a portion inside me is missing .. some people see though I try to hide it.
Thing is my life is a blank slate now except for the kids.. I can do anything I want. Now if I could just figure out what that is.. Time to start over.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7