OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?

Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Please be aware this is a public forum, do not post any personally identifiable information you do not wish to make public.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
NOTE: Due to recurring spam abuse, you must register to post.


  • Index
  •  » General Discussion
  •  » I'm back -- sorry uber long

    • 1 2  Jump to

     

    September 7, 2016 4:55 pm  #11

    Rob
    Member

    Offline


    Re: I'm back -- sorry uber long

    "..I knew from very early on that this relationship was more sure than my next breath.  I believe now that that's how it's supposed to feel..."

    Sorry Kel,  when I first got married I felt that way...  I would bet my life that my then girlfriend of so many years was it...that she loved me and would never hurt me.   Now.. its like I doubt reality...I cannot think of any problem  in our marriage that could not have been fixed..  no this was all her deciding she wanted to be gay (or was fundamentally at her core gay) , wanted out of the marriage and that it was all my fault.   But how shallow.   How cruel.    I could never hurt someone like that.    Its like they cheated, broke morals and taboos, and then figured what the heck..may as well go all the way burning every bridge that we had together.   Then when I started standing up for myself or defending myself against this moral betrayal...how dare I.  How dare I not give her our home, all my money and the kids.   She felt I owed her.   So she went from love of me to apathy to pure hatred..  all without me doing anything.

    No Kel,  I doubt reality very much..  I know there are nice straight "normal" woman out there such as yourself and the woman on the forum here.     But I/we were hurt and betrayed so badly.    I don't know how to trust again..  I have strong fierce love to give but I seem incapable of receiving any if people are capable of such deceit and betrayal.    How did you you know your now husband/man meant what he said and was
    authentic as the earth and sky?     Sure  I know we can say our ex spouses are quite unique in their evilness  but still..   when someone takes a vow before God and tells you they love you more than anything and then starts sneaking around behind your back like you deserve it..  

    Sorry..just not seeing it from where I am which is just free of the closet.


     

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

    September 7, 2016 10:46 pm  #12

    Kel
    Member

    Offline


    Re: I'm back -- sorry uber long

    I think I must have conveyed my thoughts improperly.  I wasn't saying that a love that feels right can't be wrong. I was saying that a love that feels mediocre probably isn't it.

    Kel

    Last edited by Kel (September 7, 2016 10:47 pm)

    You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
     

    September 12, 2016 10:21 pm  #13

    Sue
    Member

    Offline


    Re: I'm back -- sorry uber long

    I did it today. Told him I could not be friends because my feelings were past that point. He was very kind about it. Be proud of me. That took balls. It's hard to lose the friendship bc he'd been through a divorce and offered a lot of support. But I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't hanging on hoping for more. Which is not healthy.

    One of the hardest things I've done.

    "You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
       •Thread Starter
     

    September 13, 2016 6:31 am  #14

    Rob
    Member

    Offline


    Re: I'm back -- sorry uber long

    Yeah I had to learn to let go.  I realized at some point that I was talking to an enemy or worst..she could act like my friend buy then  anything I said was repeated to the girlfriend and then used against me.
    You need to watch the narcissist survivor videos on YouTube..Tom there is trying to help..NO CONTACT..  it's so true...I'd  be texting something about the kids and then I'd get these put downs and crap...a consequence of contact...Don't need it..I need not put up with it.  To me my ex forfeited normal contact her weekend in a hotel room.  She is not entitled to be listened to.
    What is my reply to her now on anything not involving the kids.. no reply..nothing..silence.. she is no longer entitled to basic human etiquette from me..her words bait me for more hurt.. that is all she is capable of..  nope..I don't need it nor do have to take it anymore.  So many mean things I could say but no..my reply is nothing.  I urge everyone to practice this self compassion and preservation ..preserve your piece.

    "For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
     

     

    1 2  Jump to

  • Index
  •  » General Discussion
  •  »  I'm back -- sorry uber long

    • Board footera

     

    Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum