And she left.

I didn't have any way to stop her. I couldn't even say don't go. And this despair is killing me.

I'm hurt.

sorry to hear that - my commiserations.  

I know you believe you cannot love another woman but the antidote to despair is hope. Just in terms of homeostasis hope will come to you.  Either you can hope she will return to you or you can hope for a new love in the future.

Everything she has done is not going to stop you hoping for her return but the salient fact is she is a lesbian.  

She is a lesbian, you know you can never have a reciprocal love with her, it is a great fact to hold onto despite the pain it brings - she always was a lesbian, she never could have a reciprocal love with you - it changes your past.

I hope one day you meet a woman who can love you back as much as you love her.  But for now, look after yourself, someone who can love so deeply is worthy of their own concern.  

wishing you all the best, Lily

I am happy to read your update. I am also glad you decided not to wipe your posts. It shows everyone, including yourself, that there can be a future with hope, happiness and love. If you persevere, you can overcome. Enjoy your future, you've earned it!

TKU wrote:

Hello again.

This time it’s much easier to write because of the things that happened me in the last two and a half years of life.

After all the struggle, despair and devastation, trying hard to meet some other people (hell, you all know that meeting a decent human being is like searching a needle in a hay) I finally met an amazing lady, we started dating in the curfew days of pandemic in my country, had some amazingly romantic moments, fall in love and quite quickly she moved in with me.

I never gave any chance to something like this ever happening to me, but it ended up great unbelievably smooth.

I actually came here to delete my posts, but decided to leave everything here.

Because life itself is incredibly miserable and amazing at the same time. The curiosity that keeps us going -believe or not- works! it’s an incredible ability that we humans have, we can leave the shit in the past and move on. I still can not believe how I am after all the pain and misery that I’ve been through.

I’m “fine and dandy” as dear George Carlin once mocked. There’s still hope, As cheesy as it sounds. There’s still hope.

For a quick update; I’m now happily married for a year to the lady that I was talking about.

Hope is underestimated most of the times. But I’m a living proof that “life goes on”. There’s no reason of being stuck in the past, even if it disturbs your deepest. It’s the past after all, and you’re in the future of whatever happened to you.

You’ll get over.

You will be OK.

Hey TKU!
Thank tou so much for your update. I read your first post, and I identified so much with the way you described your love for your ex partner. It also said a lot about you, your heart and soul. Warms my heart to read that you are happy.
My partner of 13 years started seeing men 5 months ago. I was devastated, but I knew I couldn’t live with those feelings for long. So I’m choosing and honestly feeling joy every day in my new life without him, and let myself cry when I miss him. I will always love him, and a day will come when I won’t feel the pain of him not “being mine”. I am not rejecting the option of meeting someone new, but honestly, I really don’t care if I ever meet a man again and have a partner. I kind of found myself for the first time as a grown woman. I really love my life.
Again, thank you for your post. And another thing… I traveled a lot in my life, and the most genuinely kind and warm people I met - i met in Istanbul.
Sending love!