OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
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1 - Ellexoh_nz
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Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
I know I'm going to get a lot of people's backs up with my thoughts but decided mine is a genuine question.
I don't understand why Sean has attained an almost saint-like status among you all. Considering....
KIA KAHA
- lily
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
well my first thought is I like the way Sean makes no bones about it - gay/straight marriages are toxic - yes I agree and it is great to hear that from someone who has been on the other side of the fence.
second, again it is good to get that corroboration from the other side of the fence, someone who was gay and married, when you are new to working it out - yes my husband really is gay even though he says he isn't.
- Duped
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
I don’t think he has attained anything like a saint-like status. People are just thanking him for giving them feedback from his experience that resonates profoundly.
If you wanted to know how best to protect your home, you’d do well to ask a burglar.
Most people come here confused, having been lied to and gaslit for ages and benefit from hearing it from a perpetrator. I guess the other question is why does it bother you?
- JenS
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
Last edited by JenS (March 30, 2019 6:13 pm)
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
Duped wrote:
I don’t think he has attained anything like a saint-like status. People are just thanking him for giving them feedback from his experience that resonates profoundly.
If you wanted to know how best to protect your home, you’d do well to ask a burglar.
Most people come here confused, having been lied to and gaslit for ages and benefit from hearing it from a perpetrator. I guess the other question is why does it bother you?
I was curious that's all. I didn't say it bothered me.
It's a question I'm asking because even with reform and atonement I myself would still not ask advice from a person who had hurt another in the way he has.
KIA KAHA
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Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
Ellexoh,
Given that Sean has been asked not to comment on threads other than his own, because his presence here can trigger (and has triggered) some of the straight spouses who write in to the Forum, your qustion from this thread where he cannot defend himself is unfair.
If you want to pose this question, pose it on his thread, and pose it to those who write in to ask for his take on their situations and yes, occasionally speak as if Sean is the Oracle of Expertise on All Things Gay. Others of us have in fact more than once taken him to task, and he's always been willing to listen and to defend himself or apologize.
But my response to your question is this (and Sean, if you read this, it's sincere on my part):
One of the things I like about Sean's answers, although I don't think he speaks for ALL gay men, is that he doesn't sugar coat, hand hold, or otherwise enable the desperate but delusional rationalizations of those who don't want what they fear to be true and will bend themselves into logical pretzels to try to believe their own delusional hopes and conclusions. He doesn't coddle people who'd like to go on for years, telling themselves lies so they don't have to face the facts and act.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (March 31, 2019 10:28 am)
- Violated
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
I appreciated Sean's insight, he helped me face my reality. Early on after discovering TGT, the focus was always on my GIDH. I was then so gaslighted, I started to believe my husband's lies, I was making sense of his nonsense. It was a mind f--k . When I first discover TGT, I went into a period of denial....He can't be gay??
Sean, no BS approach helped me face my reality: My husband is gay. Now I have to deal with it. It's no longer about him, focus on me........Onward
- Duped
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
It's a question I'm asking because even with reform and atonement I myself would still not ask advice from a person who had hurt another in the way he has.
And yet you choose to trust and believe and remain committed to someone who has broken your trust previously?
I think this thread is deliberately inflammatory and defunct.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
Yes, let's stop feeding this troll.
- walkbymyself
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Re: Why does a forum for straightspouses ask advice from a gay person
I don't think Ellexoh is a troll.
The reason I appreciate Sean's insight is the same as others have said: I've been gaslighted for two decades, and sometimes it's therapeutic for me to hear the uncensored truth. He doesn't attempt to make excuses or justifications.
Also: in practical terms, there are things I don't understand about my husband's subculture. Sean can explain what words or expressions mean.