OurPath Open Forum
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- Red hen
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Re: How to move on but stay friends?
I have been told that being friends with my ex GH would be the best thing for me and the family. This I can not do! After 35 years of marriage and all those years being a beard for him I don’t want to be around him or be his friend! The divorce was what made us separate and now I want a separate life with my children that does not include him . We have been divorced for 3 years and everyone thinks it should be time to move on and be friends but they don’t get to decide when it’s time for me to be his friend again if ever
My analogy is I’ve always tried to make lemonade out of the lemons I’ve been handed but this time I can choose who I sell my lemonade to and where I put up my stand. And that is no where around him.
I am moving on with my life with many changes, back in the workforce ,a family that is been altered by his lies and deceit and excepting that my children still have A relationship with their father but it doesn’t have to include me.
It’s been hard and a trying thing to adjust to but I find it’s easier for my life not to have my exGh in it.
I don’t think it’s a question of being bigger or forgetting I think it’s just a question of where you can live comfortably and be yourself.
- StrongerThanIKnew
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Re: How to move on but stay friends?
I am with Red Hen on this one. When this all started, I had hoped we would be able to remain friends. As we so often here on this forum...... he was my best friend.
Divorce, however, is an adversarial process, and I think it is really hard to come out of it on friendly terms. "Civil" is the best I can hope for now as our divorce is in the final stages. Sometimes I don't even get that. Maybe one day we can move from civil to cordial or even friendly. For now, though, I just want to get on with my new life, and it does not include my STBX.
- Whirligig
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Re: How to move on but stay friends?
If I am not entitled to someone's love when I was kind, and supportive, and caring, then why is that same someone who misled me, used me emotionally, and played with my feelings somehow entitled to my friendship?
Sorry, first time poster, and I have been lurking for several months but this just hit me kind of raw. I haven't posted before because I wasn't married or dating the person who deceived me and I wasn't sure if I belonged here.
I was made to believe that this person was possibly interested in me by the individual, and a mutual friend(s?) lied to me/concealed the truth (for nearly a year). I still have to see them occasionally and this has been a terrible burden to feel that I am somehow obligated to be friends with them now that I know. I struggle with depression daily over this issue. I don't hate them but it was devastating to me and a terribly hurtful things to do. I have almost no one to talk to because I haven't wanted to hurt either of them despite how I was treated.
Other people may come to a different decision and must do what works for them, but for me, the people that I consider true friends are those who love me and that I can trust. Anyone who can't do that is not my friend.
- fbarcola
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Re: How to move on but stay friends?
#5 is oh-so-true, especially for the gay ex-wife.
I posted elsewhere that we worked so each other could go to grad school. That's true - I went to law school, she got a master's in music performance. 25 plus years later, I've got a great career, despite three kids in college a lot of disposable income--and I owe it all to the ex working in a kitchen while I was in school.
She, OTOH, teaches private music lessons for peanuts. While she now has a house with current GF of 10 years, I know that the first 15 years for her was hell. I wanted so much to reach out and help, but I was being ghosted.
Ex walked away from a great life. She knew it at the time, couldn't help it. I'd forgive her if there was something to forgive; she had no idea she was gay when we got married, in the end hurt her more than it hurt me.