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February 1, 2019 7:57 pm  #1


I Did Not Break Up This Marriage

DDay for me was 15 May 2018. I had suspected for some time that my husband is a gay man, and since that day, have begun to discover and weave together his story which began in an all boy’s Catholic high school. My 26 year marriage ended in a crash, and I do consider myself and my sons collateral damage of the priest scandal. Besides the hs experiences, there were also incidents while he spent four years in a Franciscan seminary. He left with a goal of marrying a woman. I am that woman, the only woman with whom he has ever been intimate or had a long-term relationship. I was unaware of any of this when we married.

The most difficult part of the dissolution of this marriage is his insistence that I am the cause. TGT is a peripheral issue in his mind. He claims that I would not allow him to have friends. I can name friends. I believe he means that my existence as his wife prevented him from having a male partner. Besides, it is impossible to keep a child from associating with an undesirable person. He is a 56 year old man, so this makes no sense. He tells anyone who will listen that I was a controlling and domineering wife. Again, not true. It bothers me that his family believes that I am some sort of harpy or witch. I truly believe that I was a good wife, not perfect, but not awful either.  There are other false accusations, as well, and I feel helpless. My reputation and good name has been sullied. Fortunately, my own family and friends (I kept all but a very few.) have been very supportive.

The bottom line is that I did not cause this marriage to break up. I could have easily corrected what I perceive as my problems. GXH said that I had bad breath at Sunday Mass. The solution is a tic tac, not a divorce. I truly wish that he would take responsibility for this.

I worry about our sons. The older one, a Naval Officer, lives far from home. He was underway when this all happened. He received the news from his brother, thankfully. The phone call my GXH made consisted of three sentences: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. I am gay.  Any questions? He has been home twice since then. It seemed that he had no intention to see his father but was eventually cajoled by dad. I know that he is struggling. He put his father on a pedestal that has tumbled down and broke. There were plans to marry his long time girlfriend, but that has been put on hold. She is suffering, too.

The younger son, who lives with me, outwardly seems to be coping, but I know that there are issues. His father does not seem to make much of an effort to see him and prefers to text.  Every now and then, I detect a disappointment in his comments. My GXH does not relate at all to this son who is sort of a man’s man. He is a police officer, loves sports, the outdoors, and just about anything that his father eschews. Dad wants to have sleepovers, and neither son is interested. These are not 10 year old boys but grown men with established careers and lives. Daddy is not really part of the picture.

 

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