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1 of 1- OnMyOwnTwoFeet
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Coping tools—what is in your arsenal of distractions? Please share!
This is an offshoot from another thread I started, on a playlist for the straight spouse! I said there that I had a whole arsenal of distractions. Another member asked me, something like, “What are those distractions?I could use them.”
So, how do you all cope with the emotional devastation of All This Stuff in daily life? Let’s list our coping efforts. How do we distract ourselves from the vortex? And how do we focus on what needs to be get done each day.
Honest, I am a mess lately. I am trying so hard to manage. I can distract myself better than I can focus on life’s daily needs. It would help me to hear what others are doing to cope.
Below is what I started as a reply on the other thread. It got long, and so I decided it might be good as its own topic and thread.
***
Well, Zoso, on distractions. One thing I do is exaggerate for the humor effect, and I was doing that in that comment. But your earnest question from your pain made me pause and wonder: was I really being honest about how I have an arsenal. And the answer is: speaking symbolically here, sometimes I can depend on my small collection of effective ninja toys, which sometimes I cannot find cuz everything is so damn messy right now.
So yes, I do have some things I really do to distract myself, and I have worked on developing these abilities and habits over the years when I have felt lonely and rejected in my marriage, the many years before I knew about my husband's hidden sexuality issues.
So now, because of practice, and because of living with ambiguity and emotional pain for so long, sometimes these ninja habits and ninja toys are really helpful!
Honestly, though, it is so so so hard, especially these past 6 months. I mean, honest? Many days I can hardly function. And that was especially so about 6 months ago when I first discovered things. But since this was not the first big crisis or rejection in my marriage, I had some experience, kind of.
---I needed to delete the list in this post for personal reasons. Am sorry to anyone who comes to read it.---
Last edited by OnMyOwnTwoFeet (January 28, 2019 2:34 pm)
- Estella Oculus
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Re: Coping tools—what is in your arsenal of distractions? Please share!
THIS IS SO AWESOME! You rock! I want to add to it, but I don't have time at the moment. Will report back later. Keep on with the coping brilliance!
- StrongerThanIKnew
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Re: Coping tools—what is in your arsenal of distractions? Please share!
Like OnMyOwn, a have a couple of friends who have been invaluable to me.
We homeschool, and during that first year, one friend (also a homeschool) practically schooled my children for me. There were several subjects we were both doing, so she insisted I bring my kids over and all the kids did the work together. She was an absolute life saver. She would also just sit with me and let me cry or sometimes we would sit in silence. If she asked how I was doing, I could answer honestly, but if I said, I'm not going to talk about that right now, she understood and backed off until I was ready.
The other friend took me out and made sure I had some fun and some laughs. When I would get weepy, she'd let me cry for a bit and then remind me that now I get to chose my own path for the future and that it can be anything I wanted it to be.
They would meet me at the park or the beach. They were willing to talk or text late into the night - even offered to come over in the middle of the night and bring the margaritas. 
They really were lifelines for me.
I also bought a puppy. My spouse was still living at home, so the puppy was a great distraction. I love my dog, but this is not something I would recommend. It is a huge, long term commitment. Maybe consider fostering instead.
I also tried not to let things linger regarding my STBX. I found that dealing with it and being done was better than putting those interactions off.
And once my head started to clear, I threw myself into my kids.
And not really distractions, but I have found that acupuncture, yoga, and meditation are good for helping me stay calm and focused.