OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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- EliciousATL
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Re: my divorce is final
I hope to be where you are one day in the next few months. We are just starting the process now. I can only imagine that even though the divorce is final, the feelings have not been resolved. Yours was a marriage that is double of mine at 18 years...and I feel the betrayal runs deep as well as the incredulity of the situation.
I feel for you and celebrate your fresh start where his lifestyle will no longer need to take your focus and you have time to recover, heal and reclaim your life. Thinking of you as you are farther along than I am right now. Congratulations.
- EliciousATL
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Re: my divorce is final
Oh My goodness Lori1969
I hear you!!! When does the crying stop. You are further along than I am, I discovered my husbands ITC, in-denial Trans, GH life only 5 weeks ago and we're still living together due to financial purposes. We have met with a mediator after much pushback and horrendous fighting as we don't have the budget or time for attorney's to argue for us, so he realizes he will co-operate and work on support agreement with me to take to the mediator. While there, he stated "Well we might as well file for the divorce". It was the nail in the coffin. The betrayal feels so deep for me, the straights spouse. Luckily I have a tribe of strong women friends and family members whom I was able to reveal the truth to while having to keep his secret to his people and religious community. This forum and that support means alot.
Luckily our mediator explained that assets are split 50%/50% and each asset is assigned a value which gives us a place from which to organize our support. Concerning the duration of support, in a long term marriage it can be up to 50% of the time you were together. It was also suggested that we can alter the support agreement with benchmarks, like debts that are paid off, when I collect social security, when and if I remarry and so forth. I look at those as bargaining chips for the agreement that will help me get what I need right now to survive and thrive as I di within the marriage, as that is also our right.
Good luck. I enjoy your comments on all threads and will follow your journey!
- jkc1214
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Re: my divorce is final
Congratulations on getting your life back. I'm sure it wasn't easy. You're an inspiration to me that one can survive all this and start anew. It's wonderful that you remain here to help others as they start their journey. Thank you!!!
- Lorii1969
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Re: my divorce is final
Hang in there. The journey is long and emotional. The first 6 months I pretended there was no issue. I helped him get a new job and provided him with the support I thought he needed. Do yourself a favor and confide in close friends and family. It really does help. You will have lots of ups and downs and financial worries definitely complicate an already complicated situation. I feel for you and hope to hear from you soon.
God bless
Lori
- Lorii1969
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Re: my divorce is final
Thank you. It is amazing that our gay partners seem to be just fine while we question everything. I am thankful for this group, my family, & friends. Everyday is better. Far from 100% but better every day. I still keep hoping for some heartfelt emotion from him but I have realized he is not capable. That is sad for him. I at some point will thrive. He will continue to hide in his shady existence of Craigslist hook ups, adult stores and gay spas. I am thankful we have no children and I continue to pray for comfort and everyday by the grace of god is better. For anyone struggling...prayers work.
God bless
Lori
- Leah
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Re: my divorce is final
Well done OOHC! You have been such a great support here and wise. I am happy for you.... Wishing you peace and happiness in the midst of the shock. The hole is big when you have been married for soooo long. It is so empty, but there is stillness and peace there too. And space. Freedom. Discovery of all the parts of you that got submerged in the drama of trying to understand and figure out someone else's problem. Now it is all about you. Who are you? What do you want? I find it has been bewildering at times, but rewarding. Enjoy! And big hugs! xxx
- Estella Oculus
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Re: my divorce is final
Congratulations, OOHC!!! You are an inspiration to me! I hope the feeling of peace and relaxation continues and that it provides fertile ground for the next stage of your life. Be well!