MrsPiper, this is sad to read but not much different from so many other stories here. First off - straight men do not want to watch trans porn and certainly will not self-pleasure over it. With the deleted files it sounds like he is covering his tracks after being caught. Is the smartphone on lock-down, never out of his possession? Happily married people should have nothing to hide. The constant attention you are getting also sounds familiar to many of us. Once you are back in the closet it may start all over again. If you haven't already done so you should see a therapist, suicidal thoughts are nothing to trifle with. Does he have opportunity to hook-up? I would suggest you get yourself tested if there's the slightest chance or suspicion that he is meeting others. Yes the unknown is scary but it seems your present situation is no better. Please share more later and read what others here report about their situations. It may sound all too familiar. People here care and know what this is like. You're not alone and you didn't make this happen.

Last edited by Daryl (August 29, 2016 8:02 pm)

MrsPiper - I'm so sorry you're here.  I seem to have missed your story (I've missed a lot lately).  Sometimes the new posts don't get marked for me and I end up missing lots of new stuff. 

First - I'm so glad he came home and found you!  No one is worth you taking your own life.  Are you doing ok now?  Have you seen any counselors to help you through this? 

Second - good for you that you have him on video!  Kel's recent post on lying is exactly spot on with your situation.  Well, with all of us. 

Keep posting.  You'll find a lot of support here.

 

Ms P-
I experienced that same confusion, shock and pain when my GIDX wife of 36 years gayly jumped at the opportunity to live her golden years with younger women teachers she was having great sex with. She moved out. I changed the locks. ‘No fool like an old fool.’ fits these immature narcs. 

As years pass, SSA folk get practiced and comfortable doing gay while deceiving their spouse (maybe thinking ‘She / he’s too old to leave me now’). Spinning stories and defining the dialogue may even be fun for SSAs.

My gay xwife gas lighted therapists that the main issue we needed to work on to save our marriage was my 'distrust of women'. I now attribute my Str8 distrust to catching an STD in our bed and her having furtive sex with a room full of people 2x a week. An excellent liar, she gas lighted five (5) marriage counselors with 'He didn't catch me. I didn't do it. He's crazy!' 

SSA folk know who they are and what they want - cake. Words are just something they use to keep useful spouses (beards). http://www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-unified-theory-of-cake/

Closing words from the one counselor who really got her was, “You’re dealing with Satanism and it will last as long as you let it.” 

Laurie Hall’s YouTube videos helped me understand Post RELATIONSHIP Stress Disorder in folk like us. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI_pOeVB7q6sGpdLO0qME7Q
 Transition to alone was hard, but much improved over daily facing her deceit and selfishness. 

Rejoice that you know enough about your GID husband to exit him.  Much worse for you would be years more of his treachery, while home basing in the comfortable, warm closet that you (the unknowing Str8 spouse) support. The brilliance of your situation is that you have so much life ahead of you.

Advice: 1) Use your professional lawyer, therapist, doctor team, 2) Keep your sympathy and finances for yourself. And 3) Close the divorce quickly and on your terms. 

You have a brilliant new life ahead just beyond your 1) understanding, 2) acceptance, and 3) hard work. 

Pray, exercise, rejoice, get the best lawyer, divorce ASAP, build a wiser life.

Best wishes for a fabulous future. 

- John

MP - Even to this day, almost four years after the divorce and probably 7 ish years after discovery, I still feel like the shock hasn't gone away.  It isn't raw or painful anymore but the whole feeling that "wow, did this really happen" never really goes away.  To me, it feels like a different life time now, or maybe even that it happened to someone else.  It's hard to explain.  The pain does stop but I'm not sure any of us will ever really get to a point where we understand "why" because none of us would ever play those mind games or do anything like this to anyone, let alone a spouse. 

I felt the guilt too, just like you mentioned.  At first it was guilt for writing my story on this forum, then it was guilt over filing for divorce, guilt guilt guilt, and yet I wasn't the one who did anything.  At one point I blamed myself because I thought maybe I was using the gay thing as an excuse because the fun had worn off (i.e. the lust, honeymoon, head over heels phase of any relationship).  That was the hardest part.  I had to let that go and realize that it was very black and white.  Lies, deception, dildos, gay porn, those didn't fit into my relationship and I had no reason to feel guilt over leaving.

" But my future life is unknown...I'm so glad to be away but no idea where I'm going.. For now knowing I'm away from her is good enough."

I feel exact the same way, well said Rob.