I feel like my options I lose everything or i ignore everything,

thanks Hopeful - not really an argument, I think Phoenix's main concern was the same as mine - that you feel supported here.  I'm not religious so it makes for misunderstandings sometimes.

I can't walk past the fact that you're 7 months pregnant - you've got to choose pretty quickly if you are comfortable to live with him for the next little while, or not.  

Does he lie about everything?  what motives are you questioning (don't answer here, just for thinking about).

I don't think you can ignore everything.  But you might not need to lose everything.  I think you need to say goodbye to the romantic relationship - your back is against the wall and he can't give you the honesty and comfort you need, instead he's still shoving - now you can't talk about it either.

But having said goodbye to the romantic element, there is maybe a real friendship?  that's the way I approached it - said no this is not a romantic husband/wife bond let's be friends.

When I did that it became clear my ex had no interest in being my friend at all, our relationship was based on him being able to manipulate me.  Not on being on a level footing.  Which is what asking for honesty is - level with me, you're saying.

But if he really is your friend, your partner might be able to offer his own brand of loyalty and affection in his own way.  Both of you are going to want romance at some point in the future but maybe the baby is going to take centre stage for both of you now?







 

I was also a step parent, one of them also having special needs. It’s a nightmare to think you’d lose your kids because they’re family.

I’d encourage you to keep in mind ending an unhealthy relationship with a toxic person isn’t necessarily an end to your relationship with those kids and trying to stay with this person doesn’t guarantee you’ll be able to have one with them either.

From my personal experience, I drained myself trying to please a person who blames me for her unhappiness. I raised the 2 step kids to adulthood and kept one of them at my place for a year and a half. This didn’t end with everyone having a happy life. They slowly but surely backed off and are content with their mother who tells them it’s my fault it didn’t work out even though she’s clearly gay and left me to be with a woman.

Your responsibility begins and ends with you when it comes to whether you want to be used by this person or move away. Your kids and step kids will make their own decisions as well. What ever you choose, please don’t let it be out of fear of losing your current life. Tha life is changing and breaking one way or another.