So sorry you have the need to be in this group, but we are here for you.

My d-day was August 18th. On August 19th my GH of 27 years told me he was leaving me. We have three children 26, 23, and 19. Our youngest was foster/adopted and has a wide range of issues and is custody of the state at the moment. We are currently filing for Co-Guardianship of an Incapacitated Person. 

When to tell the kids. You can only do what is right for you. I can tell you that I was not willing to live with lies or half truths. I insisted that all of our children be told ASAP. My GH wanted to wait for a month because it was not a good time, blah, blah, blah. Lots of excuses. I told him and stood by the fact ... "There is NEVER going to be a good time!" And so all our children were told by August 31st. Yes, even our mentally ill child. They were all shocked and took time to process what was/is going on. Our youngest remarkably did amazing! The best part about it was not having to pretend that things are ok. If mom is not exactly doing well, they know exactly why. The truth indeed set me free. I am much more easily able to move forward. 

As for meeting someone new, I am not there yet nor do I know if I ever will be. Yet I have been thinking about it. I'm not an internet dating kind of girl. Just for my own sanity, I know I will need to be getting out and rediscovering who I am ... just to be around people. Someone suggested www.meetup.com. It is a sight that lists the local groups around you ... so many different groups on different topics or activities. That would be the route I would go. Me starting to do things that interest me or that I love. If I meet someone, so be it. If I don't meet someone, I'm still enjoying learning who I am all over again.

Take Care of yourself!
God Bless

Hi shell shocked ,

So sorry you are here, but glad you found us.  Mass and Phoenix gave you great advice.  Definitely call the triage line.  I left my GID (gay in denial) husband of 22 years (three years ago).  I called the triage line and was connected to a wonderful woman, we spoke for at least an hour (she had been married about 35 years).  It was an absolutely great connection for me and just so much support and validation.   I wasn’t near any face to face groups (still not ).

You are at the start of a process.  Phoenix’s questions are a good place to start processing.  The fact that you are ready to find love again, good for you.  When I walked out the door, I  NEVER thought I would remarry.   I just wanted well, you know , to feel like a real woman again as it had been far too many years (I was 47).  I had never cheated and was “in it for life”.

One of the things the lady I spoke with encouraged me was, to yup go ahead and find myself and find happiness again.  I won’t say every decicusion I made at that time was a smart one, but I dont regret any of it.  I met my new husband by chance 8 months after I left XH.  I was already divorced, quickest divorce ever, I just wanted OUT!  New hubby and I both were never again kind of people (he had been terribly hurt by his ex wife),   We’ll here we are, I just remarried two days before my 50th birthday. 

There is a better life out there.  Stay with us, read stories and share.  If this just hit you out of the blue, you are probably like a forensic detective in your mind right now, trying to put all the pieces together.  Don’t waste any time being mad at yourself for not “seeing it’ or figuring it out on your own.  Your probably like most of us, you saw what HE wanted you to see.  Blessings honey, we’re here for you.

Thank you for your kind words in support. To clarify, the last couple years my daughter was suffering from depression and anxiety, using pot, stealing some money from us, and was hospitalized for suicide attempts (more a cry for help). She made it through high school with a 93 average but could not go to college and I found her a place that took insurance so she is at in Utah (we live in New England) to treat her (she was also diagnosed with borderline personality-she has 2 relatives with that diagnosis and also has 2 genes that predispose her to developing a mental illness.) On top of that we found out she was sexual abused when she was younger-the good news is she is talking to someone about it. It isn't her we are so worried about but her brother. He is at an age were he is very concerned about fitting in etc. and has been through so much. Our counselor and my husband and I agree that now isnt an ideal time. My husband is one of the nicest human beings out there. Caring, loving but gay. He thought he could always put that part of him away but acted on it last year and can not live a lie anymore. We are finding support through a few friends and trying to find groups. PFlag is one of them. It really helps hearing from you in this community. I am 53 but a young 53-I am fit, and enjoy life and hopefully wlll find someone to love. He understands if I want to date and is ok with an open marriage but both of us arent ready for that yet.

MasONeil wrote:

..... Everything in YOUR own time.......
Take Care of yourself!
 

 
You said it Mas....

The reason you don't see men writing in is that the majority of men who decide they are trans are those who have a sexual paraphilia, autogynephilia, which affects only men.  Most females who transition do so as teens or in their early 20s (there's an epidemic of young girls who are deciding they don't want to be female), and detransitioners (those who go back to their natal state of female) say that their reasons for transitioning to male included not liking the social role of women, feeling uncomfortable in it, and wanting to escape it. 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (October 16, 2018 9:27 pm)