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September 13, 2018 9:37 pm  #61


Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Brian'sGirl wrote:

Haven't been on here in some time. .

 

Good to see you again It's a long road we travel...and yes, if I'm honest, your focus & emphasis on all things Church to see you through this.....does seem odd to me, but that's because I don't have a religious bone in my body! 
That said....we both you and I..deserve peace of mind from the heartache
and there is more than one way to find it

Luck to you both

 
Don't mean to sound weird about my faith. These are big changes for us. My career is service and ministerial based, I am a social worker and a pastor's wife so my life has been consumed by church all of my life. However, we have given notice of retirement to our church and while we hope to find a church we feel comfortable attending, we have begun to become more involved in Secular activities as well. We plan to move ur lives in a direction that we are both looking forward to, but our faith will always play an mportant part. And yes, we do deserve some peace of mind. As I am often on the to do about most things, religious guilt, I guess,  I often find myself wondering how I could have made things better or different. Lck to you as well!

 

September 13, 2018 10:30 pm  #62


Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?

Brian'sGirl wrote:

....... I often find myself wondering how I could have made things better or different. Lck to you as well!

Cheers BG I used to angst and wonder if only I'd been stronger-minded and said no! to all the things my partner suggested (open r'ship)...that this end result (the lies, the secrets) would never have happened. But I know now it would have just meant him doing all that stuff in secret anyway, the only positive that I may have found out sooner. 
If there's one thing I've learned it's that I can never retrace my steps, no matter how sad it makes me. I'm amazed at the brave face I wear for the world, and even though I have a distraught, suicidal son (in another country), another younger son who shouldn't have to worry about me, a daughter who has a sick husband, and another daughter in the US who needs to concentrate on her work.....I'm trying to wear that facade because I should be the stronger one. 
Sometimes I just want to.....you know, scream!

Counselor's appointment next Thursday...yes!


*between a rock and a hard place*
 

September 15, 2018 9:29 pm  #63


Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?

It has been a good week for my Brian and me. Monday was my Birthday and He cooked me a delicious dinner and then took me to an evening Piano Recital. I took the day off work Wednesday and we went to a Museum and had lunch out.,Friday was dinner out and a movie. I am thankful that we still take time together to do the things we enjoy. But the world is still tilted on it's axis and I am still figuring all of this out. Thank goodness that our marriage and relationship is built on more than our sexual life. At about 38 I started into a 3 year period of various illnesses and had 7 surgeries within that time. Was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer which was a devastating blow. Brian soon after suffered a mini stroke and they found a tumor on the pituitary gland which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket. Over the next few years Brian was quite ill, going through a couple of surigcal procedures and then after years of misdiagnosis, He was diagnosed with a rare,  incurable disease, with tumors growing on his nerve endings throughout his entire body. He lives in constant pain.I was diagnosed with a liver disease last year. At times He can be bedfast for days, sometimes weeks.. Our sex life has been a challenge because of our physical conditions, although we can be creative at times, and if we did not have such a good relationship we could not have made it this far into our marriage.Through all of our challenges, struggles, and myriad of issues, we have retained a deep friendship and love. I have to believe that we will make it through this latest challenge. I get that not everyone could, would, or should take the path that we have chosen,, but for us it works. Some days it is difficult juggling my emotions but I love this man, he has been my dearest friend, my support for 28 years. I guess I just feel we have been through worse than this. I want to keep our marriage and family together.

Last edited by Brian'sGirl (September 15, 2018 9:34 pm)

 

September 16, 2018 4:47 pm  #64


Re: Anyone have experiences with staying together?

Brian'sGirl wrote:

It has been a good week for my Brian and me. Monday was my Birthday Happy Birthday for last Monday! and He cooked me a delicious dinner and then took me to an evening Piano Recital. I took the day off work Wednesday and we went to a Museum and had lunch out.,Friday was dinner out and a movie. I am thankful that we still take time together to do the things we enjoy. But the world is still tilted on it's axis and I am still figuring all of this out. Thank goodness that our marriage and relationship is built on more than our sexual life. We spend most of our downtime doing things together too, but the sexual component of our r'ship, which played an important, enjoyable & exciting part in our life together took an almighty hit with "the revelations". I too am still figuring it all out. At about 38 I started into a 3 year period of various illnesses and had 7 surgeries within that time. Was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer which was a devastating blow. Brian soon after suffered a mini stroke and they found a tumor on the pituitary gland which caused his blood pressure to skyrocket. Over the next few years Brian was quite ill, going through a couple of surigcal procedures and then after years of misdiagnosis, He was diagnosed with a rare, incurable disease, with tumors growing on his nerve endings throughout his entire body. He lives in constant pain.I was diagnosed with a liver disease last year. At times He can be bedfast for days, sometimes weeks.. One of the reasons I felt so loved, comfortable-relying on.....was the way my man took care of me when I was ill for months. I can't quite marry the compassion it seemed he felt then with the lack of compassion he has for my feelings now. I realise there are years between the 2 examples I've given but the fact is there's a definite lack of respect & integrity for me now, which is all part of figuring this mess out. Our sex life has been a challenge because of our physical conditions, although we can be creative at times, and if we did not have such a good relationship we could not have made it this far into our marriage.Through all of our challenges, struggles, and myriad of issues, we have retained a deep friendship and love. I have to believe that we will make it through this latest challenge. I get that not everyone could, would, or should take the path that we have chosen,, but for us it works. Some days it is difficult juggling my emotions but I love this man, he has been my dearest friend, my support for 28 years. I guess I just feel we have been through worse than this. I want to keep our marriage and family together. While it seems that we are destined to be together always.....I think we have different reasons for thinking this. My partner seems caught in between his desires for 'other' things and the comfortable life we have and the responsibility he probably feels for my well-being. I realise since I'm the one who feels wronged/untrusting....then ultimately it will be MY decision to end it or continue. 
Rock and a hard place.....ROCK AND A HARD PLACE...!!! 

 


*between a rock and a hard place*
 

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