He Intends to move out to live with, in his own words, "the man I love". The children and I have asked him to postpone this a couple of weeks. My daughter finds change difficult and asked him to help make this easier. She wants to feel more comfortable with him again before he goes. My son gave him an ultimatum and asked him not to go straight off to the new man but to help mend the damage a little first by facing up to his responsibilities and not running away. I tried to dissuade him from any fixed ultimatums but he is incredibly stubborn. He doesn't need to be here, but maybe go to his parents. We don't expect or want him to make a U turn, just to help us process this and negotiate a future where he can be a good dad. Then he can be freer to move on and carry a bit less guilt. We can accept his need to move on and to come out as gay and to end our marriage, but we are all so hurt by the manner he has done this.
Well, tonight he had agreed to come home and talk with us all. He then refused and told us by phone that he has already moved out and into the man's flat. He then went into a complete rant accusing me of trying to control and blackmail him, and said he would meet with me, but not the whole family together. He feels there are things that should not be said in front of the children(all adults). My kids are all wanting us to be together when we meet up. They feel there is more strength in our togetherness. I have nothing damaging to say, I am trying my best to make it possible for him to be their dad. They all heard him shouting and are incredibly shocked. He seems to be trying to pass blame on to me and I will not accept that.
He also phoned and spoke with our daughter who lives abroad and inappropriately started to describe his new flat and offered to send her photos of it and then wanted to tell her all about his new love. My daughter skyped us and was visibly shaken by this and in fits of tears.
I do not want him any longer as a husband and any friendship is looking doubtful now. I am becoming more concerned about finances. I don't believe anything he says now. I also fear for his mental health. I think that I am being emotionally stronger than he is. My kids will continue to love and respect me. He may not lose their love totally, but he has already lost their respect and soon that will not be recoverable. I don't see him being happy any time soon. I will be happy before he is I think because I can live happily with my own actions and decisions....he won't be able to do that unless he reaches out to his children and sees and hears them, and recognises their needs.
Feeling strangely a bit stronger. I will continue to love myself and my children.

Hug gratefully received. Thank you.
A coward is exactly what my son called his dad tonight.
A courageous man would have come out before starting a new gay relationship.
A courageous man would be willing to hear their children and shoulder their feelings.
A courageous man would be kind in the way that they leave
A courageous man would try to leave his family in the best possible state
My husband is not courageous. He is weak and selfish. That is not how I would have described him before he ran off into his new adventure. He is not the man I though he was, and that is what my children say too.
I will try to be the courageous one.

Hey Wondering89... You are so right about the roller coaster...bad night sleep...too many thoughts in my head, questions spinning round, no answers to the questions....today I feel pathetic again, weepy, gloomy. I have to pick myself up somehow.
He knows that each action he takes is hurting us more. He is on full speed loved up teenage hormones and he just says that he needs to be selfish....since dumping this on us a few days ago he has not yet done one thing correctly....it is all about him....we are a hindrance in his way, an obstacle to get by....I thought we were the centre of his life. I get that he is leaving the marriage, but he has left his kids too and his feeble attempts to communicate with them have all been taken as an act, a pre rehearsed speech with little real emotion, empathy or thought.
My son is drinking, hurting so munch inside, so angry I fear for him. I will have to be stong for him. So, now I am going to pick myself up...I will try driving the camper an which he always drives and I might just dye my hair purple.

Big hug and kisses Elisa xoxo!
You will be fine! I know it!

If you don't know this man's name perhaps see if any of your friends know it and anthing more about him. Be sure to let them know though why you are wondering so they don't think that you are interested in him! I agree that he sounds creepy and in case there is anything in the future you will want to be able to give the police as much information as possible.