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- Marie13
- Member
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Re: Please help
Jenn, your story has moved me to tears. I am so sorry for your pain. I hope that you have found the legal help you need.
If I can offer a few things to keep in mind during this dreadful time.
1. He has had a long time to come to terms with this and to plan. It is completely unreasonable, selfish and inconsiderate of him to not allow you the time to "catch up". You need a few moments to digest the information without straight away having to deal with its consequences. Perhaps yell that at him! And threatening to apply for custody is about him and his wants, not about what is best for the children.
2. Know that whatever you did or did not do as a wife, you did not "turn him gay" . This is not your fault.
3. Do not beat yourself up for not knowing (or listen to anyone who says such a thing) . He has been actively deceiving you. It is not silly to honour the promise of trust you made when you stood in front of family and friends. You did the right thing.
4. Do not listen to anyone who says "How is it different to if it was another woman?" Because it is. Friends who have been through that can help up to a point but the level of deception is so much greater when it is with a same gender partner.
You are doing the best you can at the moment. I would say it is completely reasonable to want to lash out. Time really does help....not to get over it( for me it's almost 3 years and still painful) but time really does help you to learn to live with it. I'm sure that you will come back to this forum often, as you should because there is some wonderful advice given. But in time you will see that you are not alone here. The same appalling behaviours repeated in story after story.
Take care of you and your children.