Lynne,
   To answer your question about how the news about my stbx was received by my work colleagues (sorry I didn't see your post/query on Monday when you posted it). 
    The first person I told was my best friend at work (we are also friends outside of work), about a year and a half after my stbx's disclosure that he had decided he was transgender. I told her about the same time I made contact with a person in my town from the SSN.  I chose her because I knew she wouldn't tell others.  She was sympathetic to me, but continued working with and relating to my stbx just as before. 
   I've only recently begun to tell a few others with whom I work and with whom I am friends (we've all worked together and socialized together for over 20 years).  There's been a range of responses, depending on how close the person feels to my stbx. In one case, I discovered that the person felt able to tell me things about why she disliked my stbx that she'd been unwilling to before. At the opposite end of the spectrum I told a colleague who is close to both of us; she was distressed and sympathetic to me, but she was also distressed for my stbx, and I suspect that her relationship to him might change.  I did not tell another person I might otherwise have told, because she has been very close with my stbx.  
  It was terrible living in his closet; it kept me isolated from my friends and stifled our friendships.  Now that I'm out and living on my own, and have told a handful of people (all of them people I consider my friends), our relationships are starting to come back to life.  Something that surprised me, because from the beginning I felt a pressure to accept and be a good trans ally, was that everyone said "How awful!" and "Of course you had to leave." and "You certainly have the right to tell your story!"  But of course these were people who cared for me and my well being, not just casual acquaintances among my work colleagues. 
   

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (May 9, 2018 6:29 am)