Rob and Count - just want to add I never had any problem with using the terms lezex or 0/10, none at all.  I actually liked it.

I do like being polite and it works well for me, but sometimes I'm too polite - there are times and places when an insulting term is just about mandatory.  the insults I regret are the ones I didn't say!

I get it, I really do.  It feels good to be able to unload just a fraction of the hurt we have that we can't unload anywhere else. 
   There's just something about "grading" women by a number that grates on me; to me it bespeaks a too common attitude about women, that their worth can be reduced to their looks.  I'm sure that having had my femininity under siege by my stbx, who in deciding that in order to act like a woman he needed to corner the market in our home on all things feminine, and who never responded to any expression of femininity in me, is also part of why I am sensitive to that move to rate women by numbers. I'm sure, Count, that your stbx's ditching you for a woman felt like a big hit to your masculinity, and this is how you fight back. 

Im actually becoming hopeful and looking forward to the future.

It's funny how stepping back makes you see clearly. Instead of focusing on my loss, Im seeing what Im gaining. I'm starting to see how that even though I was happy and our family was happy, it surely wasn't healthy. For years I was willing to do whatever it took to make her happy, which really meant being a victim of her dissatisfaction. She never knew why she wasn't happy, which made me try harder and harder...expecting to fix it one day...And get something back. What I mean is, I was happy to metaphorically (and literally) have a beer and a sandwich ready for her when she came home from work, but I could never expect that because it was sexist if I did. Does that make sense? I would play both roles happily.

I don't think she ever really liked me for being a man, and she sure didn't make me feel like much of a man, quite the opposite....I was always having to prove that not all guys were garbage. I have actually made some friends who really just appreciate who I am, and what my biology is. You need to feel loved and cherished for what and who you are. Being a man is a good thing, not a bad thing, just like being a woman is a good thing. Its so much more important to have that than I thought. Im really excited to get out of this house and into a place where I have control. A place where I can live the right way, with excellence. 

I guess what Im saying is that I realized finally - that I was happily in a toxic relationship for all these years, and now Im really seeing it with honest eyes. You try so hard to make it work that you don't see that. I'm not a victim... I actually feel so sorry for her. What a dark road she's going down, and what a loss she does not see. The excitement for this new life she's about to have...I pity that illusion.

Hey everyone, just wanted to give an update for whoever might be reading this stuff.

Still not divorced - its funny but it seems to be the least important part of the whole thing.... the actual divorce process. Getting my own place, figuring out the kid schedule, separating bank accounts and all that was hard. 

She found someone within a couple weeks of telling me she was gay, she's still with that person. I had found someone as well, but broke it off after realizing "What am I doing? I cant drag this person through this with me, Im not ready to take this on".

So interesting how life ebbs and flows. Its been really hard the past couple months, harder than the initial months somehow... Im not sure why, just emotions in general I guess. I don't feel much anymore. Ive tried to peel away the layers of complexity with her, trying to find out anything and everything I could from her perspective on why this happened. How do you figure out your sexuality at 33? Its all stupid.

I have concluded that my situation is not because of a hidden sexuality -  or whatever, I really think that the person I married at 21 just doesn't know how to be happy. They clung to this as the thing that could make them happy. Ive had a lot of conversations where she let me know she remembers the entire marriage completely different than I do... I was not generous, I was not loving, I was not kind.... When I heard that it just blew my mind. Its funny how people can paint it.... Hearing that stuff actually really helped me understand more... If she felt that way, then I wouldn't blame her on finding the only socially acceptable way out. It is socially acceptable which is funny. 

Im looking forward to the part where I feel like I can really remake myself... like a Phoenix =)... But, it still proves to be elusive, and Im still in a struggle for sanity so it seems. Life is weird. Its weirder than you ever thought it could be.

I haven’t fully posted my story.  My wife is 38, my kids 14 and 10.  My wife on August 1st told me she was TGT.  Has a GF she met 47 days ago.  We celebrate our 15 year anniversary this Thursday.  I expretienced a lot of hearing our marital history being rewritten by my wife.  My wife has been very concerned with how people see and think of her, even my fiends who she doesn’t see or know.  I can’t say if that may be why your wife has rewritten the marital but it’s a possibility.  People need to feel justified in the decisions they make especially when those decisions impact others.

Glad you are posting, reaching out.  I can tell you I’m very early in our separation process ( we are still living together in separate bedrooms, very logistical but unhealthy) but it’s nice to read that we are not in this alone.