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March 1, 2018 11:20 pm  #1


Seeing the ex

Well,

Saw her last week by accident.  That was rough.  A bit hard to communicate over texts and emails.  Haven't heard her voice in a month?  Anyways.  Slowly realizing her facade and that she is 1000% a different person than I married.  Going to be challenging but I have decided I must get physically healthier and smarter starting now.  Simple as that. Very lucky to be growing my support network.   Life does go on.  Oh I am still hurt and messed up.  Sad.  Sad sums it up.  Boy was I tricked.  She had the most loyal and faithful husband out there.  I deserve better at some point if that is my destiny.

 

March 2, 2018 12:02 am  #2


Re: Seeing the ex

Count,
It sounds to me like you are handling a terrible situation as well as anyone could. You sound strong. You are young with so much life ahead of you. It is hard to wrap your mind around the level of betrayal our spouses have shown us. I still struggle with that and I am 16 months post discovery of TGT and six weeks post my husband of 32 years moving out. I love your forum name. Actually that is my favorite fiction book. The story of ultimate betrayal but the Count prevails in the end. He is full of righteous wrath and rightly so. But in the end, he has justice.

 

March 2, 2018 9:54 am  #3


Re: Seeing the ex

Great book and movie!  I have that name as my crying ex was in tears over herself falling apart and how I was good looking like the Count of Monte Cristo!   Funny!  Strong at times but a shattered man at others. It is the unknown with 2 houses and money and so on. Good people around me.

     Thread Starter
 

March 3, 2018 11:08 pm  #4


Re: Seeing the ex

Update.  I talked to her last night.  That went well.  Honestly I am at the stage where I need to get healthier and smarter.  I am hurt to the core. Love takes a long time to die.

     Thread Starter
 

March 4, 2018 3:09 am  #5


Re: Seeing the ex

I think I can help here, Count.

you talked to her, it went well.  But it makes you feel like you should be healthier and smarter.

when someone loves you it doesn't make you feel like you should be healthier and smarter, the thing that makes you feel like that is when someone has subtly made you feel inadequate.

when someone loves you it soothes your hurts.  

It is an emotionally abusive relationship that you are leaving.  Not your fault.  Not your fault.  Hers.

 

March 4, 2018 10:09 am  #6


Re: Seeing the ex

Especially the last year when she would lie and keep seeing the 0/10 every time I was gone out of town.  Every time!  And to involve the kids. She even said she needed to leave the town so she no longer had to be this big personality and leave her job as she was really trying to escape herself. I know I must move on.  Too much time to think as I was just 3 days in bed as sick as a dog.  My daughter was born 10 years ago today.  She is an angel.  My ex lived a facade and wanted to please others at the cost of hurting so many.  She sucks.

     Thread Starter
 

March 4, 2018 11:18 am  #7


Re: Seeing the ex

Hi Count,

I’d echo what Lilly was saying.  Being smarter and getting healthier are also good goals !   
Have you read up on the 180 ?  I think it helps to put some distance between you and the past and also to reorient yourself to the future and not think about the past.

 

March 4, 2018 12:50 pm  #8


Re: Seeing the ex

180....?


KIA KAHA                       
 

March 4, 2018 1:19 pm  #9


Re: Seeing the ex

Ellexoh wrote:

180....?

An explanation and critique here

https://www.chumplady.com/2014/07/the-pretzel-logic-of-the-180/

 

March 4, 2018 5:17 pm  #10


Re: Seeing the ex

Laurence wrote:

Ellexoh wrote:

180....?

An explanation and critique here https://www.chumplady.com/2014/07/the-pretzel-logic-of-the-180/

 

So to appear that my heart is not broken...I have to harden my heart? pretend? 
Maybe that might work if I ever give up....but at the moment I can't be anybody 
but the genuine 'me'. I may attempt some of those 34 (34?!!!) but I'm no actress 
in a long-running drama, I always revert to 'me'

 


KIA KAHA                       
 

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