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February 19, 2018 6:38 am  #1


Sad, but getting stronger

I really just have to tell someone. I've spoke to no one - not counting the many many convos I've had with myself over and over on the topic. I'm Thinking  about a therapist, but really I know what they will tell me - leave. I' m so angry and sad and tired.  Three years ago I found out my partner of 6 years (then) was hooking up with many men on gay hook up sites as both a cd and regular gay bottom. We area Brady bunch family so Iheld it together for my kids ( 2 of mind, 3 of his) . Like many others on here he always wanted sex with me and I never ever suspected anything. On investigation I found multiple emails, logins, many many undeniable pictures. I got tested, all ok. We pretended. He swore he was only bi and would stop. Showered me with love and almost sickly sweet attention. I was and am still slightly financially tethered to him in a business that was only just kicking off at the time. I took control, of everything.  It's tiring , you know ? Things relaxed,I wanted him to think all as OK and we could rebuild. I kept a file of screen shots and everything I had. Then this year he left his phone at home one day and got a strange text from a guy wanting sex with an inviting pic. I replied to the text and took screen shots. He had to speak to me about it as it was obvious that I had seen it. Denied anything was up. Why would someone contact you out of the blue like that? After 3 years? Don't know he says..... Hmmmmmmm things that make you go 'hmmmmmmmmm' .... MY turn to be sickly sweet and ask him if he wants an open relationship? I can easily fill the void with someone else?  No no he says and is all lovey and attention again.
I investigate and conclude that he has been at it again. Ring the number from the text - conveniently not connected any longer. He purchased a Woolworths SIM card a few months earlier ( I found the receipt) and so I think it's a burn phone and the text was mistakenly sent to himself. Investigate the profile, looks like him , sounds just like his old profiles, almost phrase for phrase.  Such a dipshit.

So completely not interested in him. So financially tethered. And angry - MY life has to change because you are an asshole ( literally) ?????????!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening. Just venting

 

February 19, 2018 7:41 am  #2


Re: Sad, but getting stronger

123,

Yeah after all my analysis and trying to figure things out the truth is these spouses are just asses/dipshits/(insert your description here). We put them on pedestals but they  are really just immoral/horrible people.   They have a broken moral core ...their sexuality making them hurt everyone around them..us most.

They can't be fixed.   Best we can do is get away and salvage what is left of us.  In my case I found the hurt she could dish out knew no bounds...all society norms, taboos or religious upbringing meant nothing...only my lawyer put a stop to her and realed in reality.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

February 19, 2018 9:23 am  #3


Re: Sad, but getting stronger

Deleted

Last edited by Duped (August 28, 2019 1:56 pm)

 

February 19, 2018 10:05 am  #4


Re: Sad, but getting stronger

Hi 123blindside. 

Welcome to the group.  I'm sorry your going through such pain right now.  It's an awful thing when our spouses lie to us and betray us.  Nobody deserves that. 

Please feel free to vent.  We are here to support you.  We will listen, lend advice and just be here for you. 

I would also encourage you to look into finding a local support group.   The SSN has face-to-face support groups in most major cities in the US.  If you are able to find one, getting together in person to meet others who have shared your experience is incredibly helpful.  
http://www.straightspouse.org/test/face2face-support-groups/

I'm so glad you've been tested and you are safe.  I'm glad you are well aware of the risks and danger he is exposing you to if you were going to be intimate with him.  

It sounds like you are tied to him for financial reasons alone based on your post.  If so, I would encourage you to have a consultation with an attorney.  Most will offer a free or low-cost initial consult.  You can ask some questions and get an idea of what they think might be a reasonable expectation for a financial settlement, child support, alimony, etc..  I mention this because we've had a few straight spouses who've been better off than they expected and have expressed regret in not moving forward with their lives sooner.  

Please let us know what we can do to help!


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

February 19, 2018 11:00 am  #5


Re: Sad, but getting stronger

123,

Welcome to the group. You will find a lot of support here, but I'm sorry you have to be here.

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I found out last year that he is "bi" sexual. I've not talked to anyone either except this group. It is just killing me, knowing what he has been doing. I have screenshots of places he's been and on the website's he is on along with comments he's made on these websites. As of this past Friday, he deleted his accounts but the messages are still there AND I still have printed copies hidden away. I have a feeling he knows I know he is way out of control and where he has been going.
We also have a business together, financially it will probably ruin both of us if/when we divorce. There is a lot at stake.

Yes, like Rob mentioned above, they are morally broken fools and I highly doubt it will ever change for them. It sucks! 


“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
 
 

February 25, 2018 9:54 pm  #6


Re: Sad, but getting stronger

Thank you to everyone. I am so sorry we are alllll here, but so bloody relieved when I read this forum and realise I'm not crazy. You guys are a lifeline and make me believe that  people are good and kind and caring. Corny sounding I know but every bit of positivity helps right now . 

     Thread Starter
 

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