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February 8, 2018 11:23 am  #11

Re: Having such a hard day

I agree wholeheartedly with Walkbymyself.  They lied to us, and we made our decision based on that lie.

And..... it's not really about just the sex itself.  It's about the lack of intimacy.  If I had to guess, most of us straight spouses aren't simply missing the actual technical penetration.  We're not getting make out sessions, touching in a sensual way (even if not sexual), the hugs and kisses that feel like coming home to someone, the little looks across the room, etc.  HOW can I go without ALL of that and think that it's "just sex"? It's not - it's proof of desire. And connection.  And validation.  My ex wasn't practically perfect in every way except for the lack of intimacy.  But I think I MAY have been able to move past the other stuff.  But the bottom line is that the "glue" of the relationship was missing.  That's what the intimacy is - it's the connection that make it different from all.other.relationships we have.  Otherwise we're just committed friends.  And that's not what I wanted out of a spouse.

And no, 50's not that old.  It better not be anyway, since I'll be turning that age in just a bit over 2 years.  My current husband and I do have to have sex less often than ideal - due mostly to my plethora of physical ailments - from bad knees that sometimes cause me lots of pain, to my occasional herpes outbreaks and your average, everyday headaches or exhaustion.  And yet we still have plenty of passionate, very fulfilling sex.  Even when we're not having actual sex, there's still plenty of dancing in the kitchen, little feel-up sessions in the hallways when the kids aren't looking, long tight hugs, back rubs, and little kisses on the forehead as he walks by me as I lie on the couch.  That is intimacy, too.  And I'd wager that those of us not getting sex with our GID partners aren't getting any or much of that kind of stuff, either.  And it makes all the difference in the world.


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

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