Doing quite well.  Still a roller coaster for sure.   Yes the kids seems to be doing well enough, but you can tell they are acting up here more often I would say.  Saw some old pics of my ex at my parents place and that is not the woman that is alive today.   Simple as that.  I am having a hard time telling people about the split let a lone her orientation.  I guess I feel like a bit of a failure with the marriage ending. Happy to be doing quite well at work and to be a well liked member of a small group here at my job site.  Life goes on.   I have no choice. Going to use my time to get into better shape and get out of my comfort zone. Joining a car club, meeting really old friends.  Going to join a tennis club and so on.

Count,

You're doing very well, even if it doesn't feel like it.  Ten weeks is the infancy stage of this, and you've got a clear head.  And I think that seeking out help is the best course.  It can do nothing but help.

I know what you mean about her being so gone that you're not sure she was ever really there at all.  I feel like that's one of the more painful parts of this - it steals your past from you, too.  You may never get that back, but you will get used to it.  You'll get numb to it and it won't twist you all up after a while.

Why are you living out of a suitcase? I thought you were in one of the homes you two owned together?

Taking care of yourself physically and getting back into some things that interest you are great ideas.  It's like getting a shot of daily happiness.  Good for the soul.

I hate that she's saying things like, "I never knew you had such deep feelings for me".  Nice way to turn this around into being all about her.  It's not "I didn't realize that what I was doing was so hurtful" - it's "Wow, you're SO in love with me!"  How nice.  Of COURSE you had deep feelings for her - you MARRIED her.  What more proof did the woman want?  It's not like you were casually dating and she broke up with you and you flipped out.  It's bullshit that she didn't know.  She knew.  She's just using this to compliment herself.

As for you being in great shape and a "0" stealing her away from you, flip it around.  You were SO good looking and awesome that you were able to get a lesbian to marry you!  You didn't KNOW that, but even people not attracted to individuals of your sex couldn't resist you.  That's how I look at it.  And you know what? It's TRUE.

And YOU didn't fail the marriage.  I understand the tendency to think that way - most people feel like a failure at marriage if their marriage ends.  Because we're led to believe that love conquers all, and that if we put our mind to something, we can do ANYthing.  Well, not really.  We can't make someone else feel anything.  And that's what would have had to changed for your marriage to survive.  Hell, SHE couldn't even make herself feel what she wanted to.  So how could YOU?

I prefer to look at the gay thing in my previous marriage like it was a hit by an asteroid.  I certainly didn't know it was coming.  I couldn't have moved out of its way.  It seemed random at the time - as though it could have happened to anyone, anywhere (which is true).  So my marriage got hit by an asteroid I have named "Gay".  No one hears that and is like, "Huh - and you didn't move the home to a different field where asteroids won't hit it?"  No - it's random, and if I'd have KNOWN, I wouldn't have build there.  This is no different.  You didn't fail.  It didn't work.  Plain and simple.  It didn't work because she wasn't honest with you.  You just didn't know that.  If you HAD, you wouldn't have believed her.  But she lied well, and you - being the loving, trusting person that you are, believed the person who said and acted as though she loved you.  That's not foolish - it's what we ALL do.  Some of us just didn't have all the information - and we didn't know that.  It's not your fault, and you didn't fail.

Kel

Lily.  You too. I bet you can guess my daughters name.

Thanks, Count.

There are plenty of areas in this new scenario that you can't change.  See where some opportunity lies to change things, though.  If you're living out of a suitcase, get a dresser.  Lol.  I know that's simplistic, but you get my drift.  Sometimes putting the little things in order can make us feel like we're living much more of a normal life.

You'll get there.  Pain is your companion right now, and although that sucks, it's totally normal.  You're doing fine.  Better than most at this stage.  You're going to be just fine one day soon. 

Kel