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January 13, 2018 1:40 pm  #1


He's moving out

He is officially moving out Monday. Most of his stuff is already gone. I am crying and hurt and angry. Our college aged son is also hurt, wounded.  My husband of 32 years, 35 together, is such a coward he will not even sit down with his son and be kind or reassuring about anything. He seems to have NO compassion for what he has done. Not a tear shed for us. What kind of person feels nothing during this painful process?  I cannot wrap my mind around it. Is he evil?  I hope this is the lowest point because I can't feel much worse than I do now. I keep repeating the same thought pattern because it is too surreal to understand.

 

January 13, 2018 2:45 pm  #2


Re: He's moving out

Goonowgo,

I had such a hard time wrapping my head around it also..   The indifference, lack of empathy, compassion..
To this day my GX acts like she did nothing wrong.     I discussed this with my family and we concluded they cannot act remorseful or guilty when they are around us.. to do so would admit fault..  They cannot do that.

Yes they are morally wrong.   Is it evil...  I think it is.   But know, recognizing this,  all you can do is get away
from it...we cannot change them or give them a moral conscious .     The depths of immorality, breaking of taboos etc boggles our mind...we cannot process it.  

This is the difference between us and them.  

Stay who you are..    Be the rock that your son can depend on and go to.. be consistent and the mom he always knew (even though we are hurting and will never be same).. assuring your son that he has the mom he knows ..consistent, resilient, stable, stoic.     Its downright hard.   It takes a busload of faith.

I had both an immediate sense of relief and safety from the fight or flight feeling the day my GX left.     But
I cried and mourned also ..     

Steady on.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

January 13, 2018 3:24 pm  #3


Re: He's moving out

Thak you, Rob. That is what I am trying to do for my son. He is the gift from God. I will keep getting up every day for the sake of my son. One day I will want to do it again for myself also.

     Thread Starter
 

January 14, 2018 8:56 pm  #4


Re: He's moving out

My experience with my ex moving out was interesting.  I had some time to plan for it.  It wasn't a surprise to me.  But I was surprised with my reaction.

I was so angry and hurt that I just wanted her gone, so I expected to be relieved and happy when she moved.  But I wasn't.  The first few days were much harder than I expected.  I guess the reality of it all set in and I was there in the house with no spouse for the first time in 16 years.  It was really hard. 

But after a day or two things got much better and much faster than I expected.  Within a couple weeks of her being gone I felt like a new person.  It seemed like she had been gone for months. 

My advice for you is this:  Plan some activities and get together with friends as much as possible the first few days.  Get yourself busy.  Find a close friend to come stay with you or vice-versa.  Distract yourself.  It will make it easier. 

Then after a few days start to re-arrange your house.  Paint, re-decorate, change it however you can.  Even if you don't like it.. just make it different for a while.  It's YOUR house now.. make it your own.  Get rid of him and his stuff as much as possible.  

You'll do fine.  


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

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