The PTSD we are dealing with is not directly because of TGT.   It's more about the abuse that happened.  I can see from a very limited perspective how torn up and warped my husband became.  I do believe a lot of that was caused by his "suppression" of being gay.  (Not too suppressed for cheating, though!)  Also from his very difficult childhood. Now that being said, understanding is one thing...acceptance is another altogether.  He does not in any way own up to the great damage he has done, either to me or to our children.  He just blames.  

The kids and I are just starting to come up for air.  My STBX moved out almost 1 year ago.  We are learning how to be a new group, these 5 kids and me.  We now have more good days than  bad days.  We can for periods of time, actually all (all- meaning the kids and I) be in the same room, doing the same activity.  We practice it a lot, and we are actually having fun together and trying like heck to make new and positive memories.   (Like eating dinner together without someone getting emotionally beat up.)  When their dad first left, the kids really lost it for awhile, turning on each other and turning against themselves. the all-nighters are much less now, where I'm just comforting a crying kid or teenager.  I have a little fold out chair/bed thing that they can use if they need to sleep in my room to feel safe. 

 It's better now, thank God.  LOTS of therapy, prayer, and baby steps.  We just keep doing another day.  

You may want to research Complex PTSD.  This is what I most identified with.  So did my son.  The co-dependent classification definitely was not my situation, if anything, that label was even more traumatizing.