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1 of 1- Count of Monte Cristo
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Still living together
Well.
1 month later we are still living together. I obviously can't look at her the same. How did we get to here? Mostly financial as to why we are under the same roof. Need the first house to sell to get her money to move out. A lot to discuss. When we talk that puts me closer to that dark shitty tunnel where it overcomes your life. She doesn't want me to tell my family here now. And then to wait until they are back from vacation in mid march? How do you live with a spouse that is gay? Sweet. The kids will adapt. I want a semi normal Christmas. She says she was confused growing up. It was a different era. Well. F off. Should never get to this stage. I honesty don't care on my kids orientation. Don't f up people's lives by letting it go too far. Thanks wife.
- lily
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Re: Still living together
Count - you need to tell your family. Don't delay another day. You're not going to get a normal Christmas whatever you do. Imagine not telling them. Think about it from their perspective. If you were in their shoes what would you prefer?
Tell them or not, you need to keep on sticking up for yourself - like you're doing now, one day at a time. Don't try and make sense of her, don't tackle her head on, don't try and win her approval. Stop thinking like a couple. Just get on with your own life independently (and I bet you need your family right now) - that's how you live with a spouse who is gay.
- phoenix
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Re: Still living together
You sound like I did at that stage Count.
Lily is right about adjusting your mindset. You are still thinking in terms "WE" as though you are a couple and will remain so. She has moved on already and is thinking about "ME" only. You need to make this change or you will bring on more hurt for yourself.
I told my family the following morning. I knew I needed the support.
But I didn't tell her family or my kids or anyone else for the most part.
If you feel there is a strategic benefit to keeping the peace, then go ahead and keep the secret. There was for me.. My ex and I chose to do the divorce with no attorney, but as she broke my trust complete, I was always scared she would double cross me and lawyer up and make it a war. So I stayed way too nice and kept her secrets just to protect myself.
If you think of any reason that keeping her secret helps you more than it hurts you, then you shouldn't do it. Do what is best for you. You are the only person looking out for you.
-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular.
- Count of Monte Cristo
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Re: Still living together
Not really thinking we at all. Just in terms of the kids. Every situation is different. We have a million in assets. Loan of $170,000 from my parents to be in this house and on paper it is gifted money. 1st house needs to sell. Son is high functioning with autism. Says she is leaving with the kids first in mind. Yup Thanks. F u. 18 years. Oh. I had a crush on a lesbian prof if 2004. Well let me know. Honestly. I need to cover myself. Luckily both of my parents are on the title of the new house here. Worth $600,000+. Looking out for myself now. She has no money for lawyers. She can ruin her life. Mine will be great. Thanks for the lies.
- •
Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Still living together
I been thinking about my first boyfriend - bet he was gay too. There's a lot of closet gay people. A lot, or let me rephrase - a huge number!
You're doing great - this is a rollercoaster of emotions and it won't stop for a while. You're right - you really do have a way better than average chance to have a good life now - once bitten twice shy, you see them coming.
You have not lost your courage. You will recover, you will recover your happiness and good humour. Don't be in a hurry to rush out and meet it, it will come and find you. Right now it's step at a time. Do you have old friends in the area? anyone to talk to that you can confide in?
Promise - time will come when you feel great again.
Look after yourself, all the best, Lily