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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
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    November 13, 2017 10:38 am  #1

    RW
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    Questioning everything

    Today on my way to work I passed my ex driving. He is working in my new neighborhood this week, which means there is a chance I could run into him. I have been no contact now for  1 week and 3 days. He did mention to some mutual friends to let me know he would be working in there. Somehow I feel like I did something wrong. I am the bad person for finding the emails he exchanged with Craigslist men and transgenders. My mind is so twisted now and I honestly can't think straight. How did I get here? I have been feeling so strong, but now my anxiety is high and I am questioning everything. I have to proof. I have pictures, but yet I still feel like I am to blame. I HATE THIS!!!! How twisted is it that all I want is to hear from him?!? He's really done a number on my mind

     

    November 13, 2017 10:58 am  #2

    phoenix
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    Re: Questioning everything

    Having second thoughts and wondering if you made the right decision is very hard.  

    You know what you saw.  You know he is attracted to men and he was actively pursuing that.  So you can't question your knowledge of the situation.   

    You can question how you reacted to what you found.  You did what nearly every person would do in that situation.  It was a very hard decision to make, but you are not  a bad person for making it.  You married a man you believed was sexually attracted to you and would not seek satisfaction outside of his marriage.  He broke his vows and he lied to you about his real self.  He broke it.. not you. 

    -Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

     
     

    November 13, 2017 12:40 pm  #3

    Duped
    Member

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    Re: Questioning everything

    RW, I believe you are experiencing traumatic bonding. It's a very powerful addiction caused by the bad time/good time cycle. This is why you want to hear from him so you can experience the emotional high again. I was the same. Please see it for what it is, an unhealthy TRAUMA bond. Stay no contact, it's the only way these bonds resolve.

     

    November 13, 2017 2:42 pm  #4

    RW
    Member

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    Re: Questioning everything

    I think you are right, Duped. Thank you both for your responses. Just have to keep moving forward and see him and it for what it is.

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