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Tue Oct 3 4:09 pm  #1


I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

I am a woman.  I've always been heterosexual, not a doubt in my mind.  Then after decades he tells me, he is "transgender", he does not want to medically transition, but wants to "present" at times as female. I am sick to my stomach because I have no sexual attraction to females. What am I supposed to do?

 

Tue Oct 3 4:13 pm  #2


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

Hi pea hen, 

Welcome to our forum.  I'm sorry you are going through this.  This is obviously not what you signed up for.  Your frustrations are valid.  You have a right to be unhappy. 

You are not alone.. We have a number of women dealing with transgender spouses.  They will be along soon to offer you a welcome and some great advice, compassion and understanding.    


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

Mon Oct 9 9:25 pm  #3


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

Phoenix, thank you.  I noticed you had to disable posts on one of my other threads because it got off topic by another poster. I am afraid to an extent to talk freely on this forum because "(s)he" might snoop...He's already shown me how incredibly sneaky he can be. I've always been an open book type of person, nothing to hide so my computer isn't password protected. When I mentioned I am now sick to my stomach learning about the TG CD issue, I am living on pepto and immodium practically daily.  I am so sad.  Now that he has shown me, I can't unsee it or unknow it or come to grips with it the way he wants me to. And I can't trust that there isn't more to it that he just hasn't admitted to.  Trust is gone.

     Thread Starter
 

Tue Oct 10 7:37 pm  #4


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

If you haven't already done so, look into things like private browsing windows or how to selectively clear your internet history. Of course you should also keep the identifiable details to your life a bit loose. Be vague on how long you've been married, when or where you met, any kids and their genders and ages. Finally - always proof read before hitting the post button with 'snooping' in mind.

 

Sat Oct 14 4:07 pm  #5


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

Thanks, Daryl!  I'm trying the google "incognito" window option. Not sure how helpful that will be but maybe it's enough. I know I need to keep "snooping" in mind, that's not a way I want to live. Dang him. He is the sneaky one. I don't want to have to be a sneaky person. It's like I'm entering his twisted mind games mode. I am feeling like I'm gonna have to password protect my cell phone, too, which is a royal pain because seriously, every time I want to use my phone I will have to enter a password?  And of course, it will be obvious to him if all of a sudden he sees that I am using a cell phone password. That will just make him want to look!  Darned if I do, darned if I don't. I am so very, very, very emotionally tired of this ugly situation already. Anyone else exhausted?

     Thread Starter
 

Sun Oct 15 5:09 am  #6


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

Pea hen,

Yeah I became exhausted snooping. Just that we have to snoop says a lot about how they are treating us..

It was my mind in denial..it was like watching a horror film.  Then after a while I was looking for some shred of love or friendship left for me.  It just became worst..  finally it took my family to tell me to stop looking..you know what you will find.

Hint..if you must pw protect your phone change the password or pattern often . Its very easy to see someone type it in if they use there phone often. 


So sorry.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Sun Oct 15 12:55 pm  #7


Re: I am hetero, not bi, how to cope with CD MTF who just came out

Snooping is no way to live. What you discover can hurt. The truth can hurt but so does the fiction. I was suggesting the private windows only for posting to places like here or reading other help resources. Just a way to selectively hide your internet history and never allow the browser to 'remember' your board password for you.

On Windows:
Firefox/Chrome/IE/Edge - CTRL-Shift-p opens a new private window.

 

Last edited by Daryl (Sun Oct 15 12:57 pm)

 

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