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October 6, 2017 7:54 am  #11

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

I think there are many factors at play, not just his sexuality. Our sex is generally not involving any type of gay stuff. -yet you say it is infrequent

I’m sure he is working through things, his attraction to men and why he has it - because he’s gay

The bottom line is that right now in this present moment, he wants to be in this marriage and with me - many of us hear this but they are messing around online or in real life too

We keep talking and talking and talking. He doesn’t want to be a woman -  I heard exactly the same yet there was a whole female persona on the internet advertising for men (ok cds, still men)

he doesn’t want to be with men, he wants to be with me and I want to be with him. - he doesn’t want to be with men because he doesn’t want to be gay. But not wanting to be gay doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with men. Just that he’s not happy with that want. Still he is what he is as unhappy as he is about it.

I don’t know why it’s so awful that I’m ok with his feelings? - if you are ok with his gay feelings what can we help you with, I’m not sure how we can support you?

Now if he suddenly decides he has to go live some gay life, we will hopefully have continued talking about that and it won’t be some big sneaky surprise. I’m ok with all his feelings as long as he’s not trying to hide shit - I’m afraid I bet he is hiding a lot

and as long as my feelings and my goals and desires in life are part of the equation.  - do you feel they are, truly?

Maybe stuff I posted earlier wasn’t fair to him, maybe I read things into what was going on because we had other issues or because at the time he was holding back on telling me how he was feeling about things and it made this huge gap in our relationship. When we are talking and being open and honest everything is different and things are pretty good.- they are good at this

Right now we are in a good place - again, how can this site help?


October 6, 2017 7:58 am  #12

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

According to the SSN site, the SSN is not against mixed orientation marriages. Supposedly this thing is moderated. According to the website I’m in the right place. Is there another site I should go to that would be more supportive of trying to work out my marriage?


October 6, 2017 8:00 am  #13

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

Is this just a bashing and divorce em site?


October 6, 2017 8:05 am  #14

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

No Jamie, of course it’s fine for you to be here but if you are happy with a MOM then I’m unsure how we can help you. There are only a few of us here with crossdressing encounters and we’ve heard much of what you’ve heard and it’s ended up being utter lies because thwy are in denial.

I am concerned that he is not being honest with you, it’s very hard sometimes to see it. They are very clever at manipulating us onto their team.

Of course atay here but I have to say I feel like I’m being asked to buy the lies again and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m probably not in the right place emotionally to advise you except based on my disbelief that they will ever be honest when they can’t accept their own sexuality.

This isn’t a bash them site. But I think you are making excuses for him.

Last edited by Duped (October 6, 2017 8:08 am)


October 6, 2017 8:16 am  #15

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

Oh, believe me, I’m not making excuses for him. I am going off what I got in my personal therapy and what we have gotten from marriage counseling. I have my own freaking issues, but of course I’m always open about my issues. He’s progressed so much in the last 5 years of marriage. He was only 28 when I married him and I was 44. This whole marriage has been complicated because of so many factors. I do believe he’s a good guy. My 20 year old daughter loves him, my 25 year old son loves him, everyone loves him. Even my sister who knows everything loves him. He’s not evil or a narcissist


October 6, 2017 8:53 am  #16

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

I believe that on the main page where resources are listed there are suggestions for sites for MOM where the folks are all actively trying to make their MOMs work.  You might try there if you aren't satisfied with what you're finding here.


October 6, 2017 9:00 am  #17

Re: Who wears the make up in this relationship?

The Straight Spouse Network exists to support people who find out there spouse has a same sex attraction.  The organization supports those who chose divorce and it supports those who chose to stay and try to make it work.  However, this forum is a collection of individuals who share their own personal advice (expert advice because they have lived through it).  The SSN does not influence those opinions or advice (unless they are malicious, attacking, or full of hate speech).

I'm going to lock this thread because it has gone way off track from the original person's post and she has not participated since her original post. 

However, I feel your line of questioning is valid and something that should be discussed by the group.  I've created a new thread to have that conversation.

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


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