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Fri Feb 2 2:36 pm  #1

Grace and Frankie - discussion

We've had this TV show come up in conversation a few times in various posts so I thought it would be fun to have a dedicated thread to talk about it.

Has everyone seen it?
What do you think about the show?
Does it accurately portrait the experience of a straight spouse?
Is it hard to watch or a "trigger"?   How does it impact your emotional state?
What should they have done differently?


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


Fri Feb 2 4:43 pm  #2

Re: Grace and Frankie - discussion

Refuse to watch it..  I watch the Hallmark Channel because the sappy hetero-sexual romances give me comfort.

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

Fri Feb 2 8:21 pm  #3

Re: Grace and Frankie - discussion

I have been watching it. It’s imperfect at times, but as a TV series it’s actually better than most. In the beginning I was being hyper critical, because some aspects glossed over my reality — but eventually I had to admit, they would never make a realistic series about my life because it would be so miserably depressing nobody would ever watch it.

So I watched, and it was at a time when I was just desperately lonely carrying this secret around, and I finally figured out why I was so hooked on it. It was just the idea of having a best friend who knew everything, and knew exactly what I was going through because she was going through the exact same thing. It was the idea of having someone there to hold my hand at the worst moments because she knew exactly what I was feeling. I wouldn’t have to put on a false cheerful face all the time. I realized that I’m watching the two of them living together in a beautiful beach house, and I would just about kill to have a best friend like that.

The latest season has a plot twist that was very difficult to watch: a house next door to the two men is bought by a young couple, and the husband is obviously gay, and the question comes up of whether the guys should intervene in some way. I haven’t seen how they deal with this, but I find it very hard to watch without crying.


Mon Feb 5 10:02 am  #4

Re: Grace and Frankie - discussion

I've watched quite a few episodes over the past week and I find myself enjoying the show. 

I think if I'd have tried it a year ago i would have hated it, but I'm in a better place now. 

The first episode was fantastic.  I felt like the producers of the show read our forum and used many lines that we've wrote so many times.  They hit on so many important points of how the straight spouse experiences the pain and damage.   Of course it's a sit-com so they didn't have time to really get in depth.. so the characters go through the stages extremely quickly.. they don't show the week and hours of tears and months of depression that so many of us go through.  But they did at least capture it.. if only for a few seconds. 

As I've progressed through the first season, the show is of course trying to gain a wider audience and be funny, so it's lost the intensity of the first couple episodes.  Still from time to time they hit on some good points.  

I don't like how they've kept the gay men as major characters.. I just don't think that's an accurate example of how this works.  But i get that it's a tv show.   I don't like seeing the men kiss and hug.. I can do without that.  Perhaps that's just me being "triggered".   I wish they would tone down all the sexual comedy.. i get that they are trying to court viewers, but I think it's distasteful. 

Anyway..  I like the show.  I don't recommend a straight spouse in their first months of the experience watch the show.  I think it would be painful and not helpful.   But later on after things settle down, I think it's a good show to watch. 

The reason i like the show is that it brings our experience (plight) to the mainstream.   It takes the side of the straight spouse and makes the world see how it feels for us.. .even if just a little taste of it.   Not perfect.. but it's a start. 

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

     Thread Starter

Mon Feb 5 11:46 am  #5

Re: Grace and Frankie - discussion

I'm in the refuse to watch it camp, too.  Maybe it's just too soon. 


Mon Feb 5 8:50 pm  #6

Re: Grace and Frankie - discussion

I don’t find the two guys to be typical of the gay husbands we have experienced here. I do think their portrayal of the straight spouses was more true to life. But, based on my experience and most of what I’ve read here, there’s a real lack of self awareness that our spouses have shown. I don’t think the series explores that issue.

Also I can’t imagine a guy who has spent his entire life, into his sixties, keeping his orientation a secret, and suddenly he comes out and he’s going to public demonstrations and getting involved with gay community theater — if that were to happen at all, it would be a process that took years. Maybe it’s just my husband, but his reflexive secrecy wouldn’t just disappear overnight.

There’s plenty to criticize, but that’s true of most tv series.


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