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1 of 1- Roo
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Where is my courage
It's been a couple weeks since I've posted. I got through the holidays okay and the cancer scare with my MIL. She is free of cancer, thankfully. For now anyway.
Now I have to try and focus on me but I can't seem to get the courage up to find an attorney. He is still on the gay hook-up sites and just posted that he is interested in meeting up with someone! Why do I put myself through this? How long did it take for you to take the first step? I feel like my head is still stuck in the sand and I can't seem to move forward. It's as if this chapter of my life isn't happening. How is this fair? What did I do wrong for me to be punished like this? If there is a god, why would he want this for me? I just don't understand.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
- Rob
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Re: Where is my courage
Roo,
Its hard to understand. I think God wanted to get me away from GX...she just kept hurting me with the cheating and then the rage.
But I couldn't see it at the time.
I could not see far ahead at all.
I recall driving around looking for places to rent..go to the library..anything to get away from her and act like I was doing something. At some point I decided I had enough and started looking for lawyers. I recall shaking and crying.
Courage is found in taking small steps everyday...maybe one day open a checking account, maybe one day ask someone if they know a lawyer. All discretely and at your own pace.
Be kind to yourself..there is no timeframe to doing anything. Cry if you need to...but always always move forward at whatever pace you can.
A kind e hug .
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Goonnowgo
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Re: Where is my courage
Roo,
Thinking of you. I was also reluctant to seek an attorney. But in my situation I was soooo lucky I found the right one. Do you know anyone who might give you a referral? Think about the kind of attorney you want. There are many different ways to go about protecting yourself legally. I know it is very hard just to make that first phone call. I could barely face it. The first one wasn't the right one for me. Even so it helped me just to meet with one. I cried all the way to the appointment. I got through it and had more information and it was free. I eventually got an awesome referral from my therapist. I cried all the way to that appointment also. It's normal to feel the way you do. But if there is one thing you can do to protect yourself and your future security it is to get great legal and finacial advice. Do be aware that not all attorneys will approach your situation the same way. Imagine who you want on your side, protecting you. Interview several until you find the right one. You will be looking after YOU while he is distracted by his own ugly behavior. Don't tell him. Just go interview some great lawyers and listen. Listening is just that. It does not mean you have to decide anything. It is just a meeting. It is not final. And they all have tissue boxes in their offices and they have heard it all. This is only my opinion and only meant to help you and support you. Make just one call if that is all you can do. You can do this!
- Roo
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Re: Where is my courage
I sometimes think because I'm still here with stuck with my head in the sand that I could never move on. It's as if I don't know how. That first step seems like it will be off a cliff and I don't want to leave the safety of the ground.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Where is my courage
I recall being paralyzed also...just maintaining status quo.. Note though that our normal routines and thinking give us some stable ground (even though it is getting shaky).
My GX kicked things off by filing first but things were so bad I had my support system.The lawyer was just the last member in my support system.
Kel had some motivating words for me at the time I recall... ie. Rob, get off your as**... what are you waiting for. .. But this was all while I described abuse story number 401..
But, I will counter you are not idle...you are gathering strength and fortitude. No, don't beat yourself up.. you are not idle. Have you seen a therapist and doctor/psychiatrist (for antidepressants)? Reached out to a pastor or priest? Small steps each day..
Last edited by Rob (January 15, 2018 9:37 pm)
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Roo
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Re: Where is my courage
I can't even seem to pick up the phone to CALL an attorney. I've gone as far as look online but that is it. I can't ask anyone for a reference as everyone is a business acquaintance and I am afraid to ask. I have no 'girlfriend' I can confide to either. It really sucks!
I don;t even know if it's best to seek a female or male attorney.
Last edited by Roo (January 16, 2018 11:30 am)
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Thread Starter- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Where is my courage
Roo,
It took me months to work up the courage to ask anyone about an attorney, and more months to work up the courage to ask for recommendations.
When it comes to an attorney, sex isn't important; reputation and competency, along with how you feel when you speak with them, is. Look for an attorney who specializes in Family Law. You can google up "how to pick a divorce attorney" to begin. You can google up "attorney ratings [your state] family law" (one site to visit is the "Super Lawyers" site.