Count,
To answer your last question directly;  yes,  it does get better with time.     
Like you I'm a realist  and asked myself the same honest questions.   What I found is it's good to be honest but don't dwell on the negative aspects of the situation.    Remember we did not cause this situation. 

Me and my GX are strictly no contact  except texts about the kids.  You can be negative and call it mutual hatred but I need and want no contact from the broken logic and morality.     It is not hatred I have for her..but fear and hurt.

One can also be negative and dwell on the fact   that "omg...I'm linked to this person/monster  by the kids  forever".    But what we are seeing is their flawed morality and selfishness trying  to defy and alter reality..  Reality they decided does not apply to them..and they will obstinately, forever if necessary ,say we are wrong and they are right to pursue their hidden sexuality and break marriage vows.       But don't drink that koolaid..  
They are not right on so many levels...the most obvious is that there are these kids that prove    the marriage happened and there were living in a straight relationship with promises and vows declared.     They are not Dr Who...they cannot re-write history..    So we will see the kids  and possibly the GXs  forever... this is reality and them being narcissists and gay does not give them Godly powers to make us suddenly disappear from their lives so they can live a happy gay life with the children..   No...reality and we/us  stare them in face ..forever it seems..  and remind them that they are not Gods.   

So we cannot get rid of them ,,, they are not dead...  but they are not the people we knew either..   What you can do is make use of them.    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer so to speak..   What my
GX represents to me now  (since she is not the person I married)  is someone to watch my kids half the time so I can do things..  someone to take them shopping , someone to be their mom   etc..      We have to have some use for them ...what else can we do with them.    

We learn in time to live with what we were dealt..  we do the best we can for our kids and ourselves.    Don't let the hurt and bewilderment of their  morality paralyze you from doing what is right and proper.    Get anti-depressants if necessary  (just for now)  but do what is right and proper for the kids and yourself.    Those kids need one sane parent that puts them first .. and these gay spouses are just not it .  We step up to plate  and we do what needs to be done.   

 

Last edited by Rob (January 2, 2018 7:28 am)

It's still early days for you, Count.  It doesn't feel like it because you've already done so much suffering.  But it's still very early in the process, and the emotions you're feeling are completely normal.

What kinds of emotions are you feeling?  If you can name them and be specific about the thoughts, maybe we can offer some suggestions on thoughts to combat those emotions.

It does and will get better with time.  Promise.  You won't feel things changing - you'll just notice different emotions or a lack of emotions where they once were very high.  It's very freeing.  It's almost like when you're a new parent.  Changing poopy diapers never gets un-poopy.  You just don't care all that much anymore unless it's a really bad one.  You become numb to it, and you don't dread it any longer.

Kel

Count of Monte Cristo wrote:

Hopefully it will get better.  Just can't believe it all.  Just burns.  I have a feeling love will take a while to leave my heart.  She has been way past that for a long time now.  Hindsight is 20/20 now of course.  2 months in.  This will take some time.  Doing quite well to be honest, but I get about 5-9 naps in the night.  That is the bad part.  Good and bad news as to where I sit.  My family owns 75% of this house.  She and I split the ownership of our other house.  Oh so fun!!!!!!  At times feeling sad, tricked, angry, mad.  A wave hit me when I saw her the other night.  More just wishing she was my wife of yesteryear.  Oh she is long gone...

aka the 'roller coaster'     Hurt, anger,  bewilderment.     You're doing ok ....really good recognizing of your emotions.    It bewilders us that they can detach/discard so quickly...but we have strong fierce authentic love.
Steady on.

 

Congratulation  Catherine.. that is inspiring.      

 

I can only speak from my own experience and time, and we do not have any children together, so my situation is not identical, fortunately for me...  however, I found myself these last couple nights, alone in my cold bed, thinking about her and dealing with the cognitive dissonance that comes from being in love with someone and realizing that that person is the one that put me in this situation.  She is not worthy of my love, but love is not logical.  I spent aroud 16 years with one woman and trusted her completely.  She taught me a lesson about giving out trust, which may be useful to me and may limit me in future relationships.  Hard to say.  It is easier now, though the winter is not helping...  as it is lonely by nature.  I meet other women and sometimes pine for them, but I know I'm not ready yet.  A new relationship now would be a band-aid, I'm certain.  
Just rambling a bit here, but I watched the film "Battle of the Sexes" last night...  **spoiler alert**  in which Chris Everet Loyd, the tennis star, plays a game with a man that says any man can beat any woman, however, there is a large side plot where she falls for her hairdresser, another woman.  Her husband stays supportive and she keeps up the marriage for a long time, as back then, it probably would have destroyed her to come out.  Every scene, when I saw her husband, tears would run down my face.
I think it is better now that if someone is gay, they have every opportunity to not subject someone else to their need for homosexual love after fooling them into thinking that you are going to be together forever.  Would have been nice if it happened sooner.
Try to find things that you have fun doing and try not to think about her...  it will not work.  It may never work, but sometimes with happiness, you can fake it until you make it.  Good luck.