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December 28, 2017 12:20 pm  #1


Partner in denial

Hi,

I figured I should contribute instead of lurking in the off chance there is someone out there in a similar situation to mine that can relate or offer advice.
  
Long story short I'm a straight female my partner is male we have young kids.  I found some suspicious stuff on his computer and in general I have a ton of evidence he is not straight.  He claims he is straight (except that one time he sort of agreed he might not be 100% straight which now he 'forgets' ever saying).  

I know he's not straight, I'm sure he knows but I believe he is either intentionally hiding it from me or he is rationalizing his behaviour towards men as being a kink because he has a female partner and kids so he thinks he's straight.  

I very strongly want to remain together to raise the kids.  I would say we don't often fight and we are good at getting along as friends so I think it's possible.  I do know he's still doing stuff on his computer because he's hiding what he's doing on it.  I don't think he is meeting up with anyone in person, I've made it clear that should he ever act on this without discussing it with me and agreeing on terms then it would be the end of our relationship.  He's a good dad and loves the kids so I doubt he'd do anything to risk a split especially since I am aware of his secret and on alert.  He has suggested we find an online 'friend' to skype with.  From experience I know he will choose a female first then suggest that we find a male friend because it's only fair to me (insert eyeroll here).  

I am just so frustrated, he seems straight no one would ever suspect it yet the minute I saw the evidence I knew it was true even though I had never suspected it either.  It was like the missing jigsaw puzzle piece was found and now it all makes sense!  

Anyone else find themselves in this situation, a partner that adamantly maintains they are straight but they clearly are not, they think this attraction is a fetish or kink?  

Vicky

 


 
 

December 28, 2017 5:45 pm  #2


Re: Partner in denial

Vicky
 
It's been just over a year since I learned that my partner was interested in men rather than women, and that dressing in stockings and watching other men dressed the same ...turned him on. I KNOW he's bisexual and he KNOWS I know.
He also knows I don't accept how he'd like to change the dynamics of our r'ship and will never want anything but monogamy, honesty and integrity. So I have passed the responsibility of keeping us together to him. He did enough to destroy my trust, now he will have to earn it back. I know it will never be the same again, and I will never NOT be waiting for another tilt to my world.

I find the cruelest thing is the fact that, while I've told my children and a friend what's happened....he has nobody to give him insight on what he's done/can do. No mates or colleagues. Doesn't like me talking about it, I love discussing it...lol


*between a rock and a hard place*
 

December 29, 2017 4:56 pm  #3


Re: Partner in denial

vicky wrote:

Anyone else find themselves in this situation, a partner that adamantly maintains they are straight but they clearly are not, they think this attraction is a fetish or kink?   

On bisexual forums, there are volumes of 'Am I...?' threads which appear to echo what you're experiencing.

Our situation is different (straight male/bi female) but for more than twenty-five years, we were both clueless to that fact. 

 

December 30, 2017 8:17 am  #4


Re: Partner in denial

Hi Vicky,

Yes, I have a husband who is bi and would not admit it to himself or me for years. It has taken over 5 years, but finally he is accepting it. He is still adamant that his attraction is to trannys only, and"not men". I have seen that to be true. But I had no idea of his sexual interests in trannys when we married. This has caused alot of trauma for me as I have tried so hard to accept it and find a way to live with it...but I hate feeling like he wants more than I can offer him sexually and I hate that he wants to femanize himself like this.

Im sorry you find yourself here. But you are among friends. Good luck.

 

December 30, 2017 8:23 am  #5


Re: Partner in denial

Paraceleus can you recommend a forum which I can join as a straight? 

Tyurk, I read your story the other day and thought it echoed mine but without the tranny stuff for us.  I don't have much time right now I'll reply more later.

Vicky


 
     Thread Starter
 

December 30, 2017 11:48 am  #6


Re: Partner in denial

vicky wrote:

Paraceleus can you recommend a forum which I can join as a straight?

 
Sure!  I'll link them below.

 

December 30, 2017 11:51 am  #7


Re: Partner in denial

This one (male) has a spouse section:
  http://www.shybi-guys.com/forum/

Female, unfortunately there is no spouse area:
  http://www.shybi.com/forums/

I found reading both sites was valuable.

 

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