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1 - Count of Monte Cristo
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She keeps hurting me
This is insane
She just keeps hurting me. I was going to text my mom that my wife can't make it because we are having difficulties, but she convinced me to say she is sick. Keeps saying how confused she is over finding her self at 36. I tried so hard this year, and she keeps putting me down about that! It makes sense why she kept pushing me away. She tore me apart about everything this year. My childhood, the first summer we were dating. Everything. Just mean. Says how supportive her parents would be if I was coming out in the marriage instead!!!!! Honestly. She just keeps hurting me. Tied to her by kids. Wants to get what is hers without lawyers. I am in the middle of the nightmare still! Missed Christmas with the kids. Oh she says you could have been here at my parents. My god. She is gone. This sucks.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Count,
You need to push her out of your head. That's the only way to get her to stop hurting you. And stop doing her bidding. Tell you parents. The truth. You need their support. And what's the worst that could happen? That she'd get upset? Big deal! You'd feel better, and it's you you need to worry about.
As for money, get a lawyer to protect your assets and your kids. Don't get talked into going without lawyers and going along with her ideas of what is fair.
- majenco
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Count,
Tell your parents. You need support. She doesn’t even need to know you told them. Just get what you need at this time. You can deal with telling the kids once you get therapy. You are so hurt right now. You did nothing wrong. At this time above all others you must practice self care. You are in the early days, it will get better but you are in shock. Don’t do this alone. She has no right to demand that of you. Step out of her closet and speak with your family.
- Daryl
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Re: She keeps hurting me
I don't think this is about confusion, it is about control. Once she can no longer control you she will then likely try to control what others think about you. If you haven't already done so, please do some reading on the tactics that toxic narcissists use to control their self-entitled world they create. For what it's worth, take the high road and don't lie to people you care about. The truth will inevitably come out and you don't want people, especially family, to doubt what you say. Hang in there.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- Count of Monte Cristo
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Thanks.
Awful to say but I missed her at the Christmas party at my parents. They had her birthday cake ready to go and everyone knows something is up. I never knew she was such a messed up person. Hated herself at 18. Says she always wanted to please everyone. It is so bizarre. It is early. Off to talk to my brother and parents tomorrow. I think she is so upset at screwing up the life she wanted. Not saying it was always the best marriage. But this is nuts! Lawyers will be invoked if she hopes to take it all. Oh so fun!!!!
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Count,
Yeah you will want to start checking out lawyers. While some can separate without them she does not sound like an agreeable person..
It amazes me to this day the control my GX thought she had on me..one simply word from me; NO set her into a hurtful and raging person she is to this day.
Remember do not leave your home..do not let her dictate what is best for you or the kids. She has ceased to put the kids first. Its a hard road but you are the adult in the family now ..do what needs to be done.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Count of Monte Cristo
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Yes. Thanks. Just told my brother. He is in shock. We are hanging out tomorrow. Why should I leave the home? She is the one that duped me! Yes. Lawyers will be involved at some point here. Oh so fun!!!
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Count,
There you go. Start building your support network. Yes my family was in shock also. My dad took me at my word about TGT though its hard for the older generation to process.
My brother pressed me at my word..so I showed him my evidence ..I realize not everyone here has evidence. This is what makes TGT so horrible...even our own family can believe a spouse is cheating..but TGT is just hard for friends and family to process...that our spouses would break taboos also...be patient and kind with your family. Be patient and kind to yourself..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Count,
Stop letting your wife "discuss" her sexuality with you. She's using you as a therapist, emphasis on "using." She married you, knowing she was attracted to women. Now she's coming out, which means that she's leaving you, and yet she still wants your emotional (and financial!) support!!! Do yourself a favor and draw some boundaries. Tell her that you aren't there to be her therapist and help her work through her past. Tell her you aren't interested in the reasons she did what she did to you, and you aren't interested in helping her feel better about having done it. Your only interest is that she did it, and now that she's finally decided to come clean and out of the closet and deal your marriage a death blow, it's selfish of her to expect you to lend her a husband's sympathetic ear as if you still are both committed to each other and to your marriage. She's acting in a hugely entitled way. And you have to shut that sh*t down.
How do I know? Hindsight.
- Count of Monte Cristo
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Re: She keeps hurting me
Thanks for the advice. Yes. Straight business and co parenting. Hindsight. That sure sums it up. She is gone and I must process and deal with that. Yes. I told her I don't want to hear how she discovered herself and all of that crap. I need to stand my ground and say I won't be sleeping on a foamie at work here while we house share. No way. Yes. That ultimate death blow to the marriage hurts.
Thank you all. Does this suck!!!!
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Thread Starter