Wow man,

Same boat as me.  I was told from my help that this has just happened to a man on the coast of BC here.  Honestly sounds just like my situation.  I am 6 weeks in after a crazy year of moving and changing jobs and new school for the kids.  I keep telling myself to not go down that awful emotional tunnel where it overwhelms you.  Easier said then done.  Look out for yourself and the kids now.  Funny how they want an open marriage.  Oh. That will work all right.  How dumb are they!  I hate to say it but you have been duped and tricked and whatever.  I am at the stage where it is hard to be around her. Simple as that.   Going to take time, and be a lot of hops for us to get through this.  Best of luck and let me know if I can give you some advice.  Stay strong and realize there is nothing you can do.  My wife was hanging out with an open woman, but says she has never kissed or been with one.  Makes me sick.  I can't wait until she is my ex.  I was tricked since I was 22.  40 years old here soon.  She will not ruin my life.  Simple.

Welcome to the group username1, 

You might feel like you are the only person in the world this has happened to, but here in this small corner of the internet we have a collection of people who know exactly how you feel.  I hope you find comfort and validation from our group.  We are here to support you as well as we can. 

You brought up some interesting points that I think need some re-enforcement.  
She started by dropping hints that she was bi-sexual, then talked about open marriage, then said she was lesbian, then said she wanted a divorce.  This is the progression she wants you to see because she's trying to limit her guilt.  She has most likely known that she is a lesbian since her early teen years, but didn't want to embrace that.  Most of our spouses didn't want to be labelled as gay or lesbian and wanted to live a "normal" straight life, so they tried to do that. They convinced themselves that they could love a man enough to enjoy sex and bury that same-sex-attraction.  It probably worked for a while just because sexuality was new and exciting and you were building a life together and having kids..  but after a while the that wears off and they have to confront the SSA again.  My point is that she has always known, but recently has lost the fight to hide it.  What she has shown you is an act.  It's orchestrated to make it seem like she has always genuinely loved you, but these recent changes are somehow new to her and unexpected.  That pretend scenario makes her much less guilty than the truth, which is that she selfishly brought you along for a ride while she conducted an experiment with her life. 

Knowing the above will help you understand why it seems like she is moving on so quickly and is looking forward to the change.  She is WAY ahead of you in processing this whole thing so of course it's easy for her to move on quickly.  She is also moving toward something she desires and she feels is best for her, so it's a positive transition in her mind.  So of course it will seem like she's happy.   You on the other hand are getting screwed by this whole situation.  It's going to be much much more difficult for you.  Don't ever buy any sob story from her about how hard it is for her.  

I do want you to understand though, that you do have something to look forward to.  You have will have an amazing life.  By experiencing this pain you will transform into an amazing new person.  Having known how much hurt there is in life and how miserable a time can be, you will have so much more appreciation for life when you reach the next stage.   You will just be a happier person.  You will be a stronger person.  You will be a more caring and empathetic person.  You will a much better dad to your kids and you'll have a much stronger relationship with them.  I promise all of this will be true.  You can't see it yet.. it's impossible to see right now, so don't feel bad about being depressed and negative about your future.  It's normal and expected.  But you'll get through this and you'll come out the other side better than you ever were before. 


 

Thanks for the responses, information, and encouragement.  I am having good days and bad days, and yesterday was definitely a bad day.  I think the hardest part is just accepting that the marriage is over and there is no longer any opportunity to save it.  I agree that she is way ahead of me in terms of processing this, and I anticipate that very soon she will start joining the lesbian community.  We are still living together because this happened so fast that it is just this weekend that I think I am finally accepting reality.  Also, she is a stay at home mom for the most part, so she doesn't have much if any income at this point.  She is starting to look for a job, but I'm not sure how long that will take.  I have already told her that we need to start figuring out the divorce process and that we can not have this drag on forever.  I don't think she is in any hurry because right now we have a nice home and she doesn't need to worry about money or employment and she can ease into things.  But, I can't.  I need this to be fast, just rip off the band aid so we can move on.  So, I am researching the divorce laws and looking at all of the options.  The most important thing to me are the kids.  There are just a lot of things to consider and get in order to make sure this is done fairly.

It is amazing how quickly your world can change around you once they tell you they are gay. Actually you might have an advantage in that they actually told you.  I think staying in the house will be incredibly difficult.  You will be grieving and she will be contemplating her fabulous new life etc. You will also be happy,  as Phoenix pointed out. But right now I suspect you are still finding your bearings.  A really important thing to do is consult with an attorney.  It’s a good idea to have a clear idea of where you stand and don’t assume they will play fair.

I read the 4th post by Phoenix to my coming out wife.  Sounded like most of that rang true.  We have been duped and experimented with even if it wasn't on purpose.  I guess it comes down to that we tried, but there is nothing you can do now.  It is hard.  Simple.