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Mon Dec 18 6:59 pm  #11


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Brassyhub wrote:

 

Thanks Hub  
I have a therapist, this site, 2 of my children & a friend who know what I'm dealing with. 
I'm also thinking of a natural product to enhance my mood, lift my spirits, clear the fog 
of sadness. 
I'm thinking it will either help me through this...or allow me to see it in a different light,...and get me out of this. 
I can see I need a level playing field for me to make any decision. At the moment the field is tilted and I'm at the 
bottom of the slope hanging on by my fingertips!


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Tue Dec 19 4:08 am  #12


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

I've had pretty long spells on anti-depressants. That helped. But of course, it doesn't alter the basic problem...

 

Tue Dec 19 9:07 pm  #13


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Hmm...yip, you're right. The elephant in the room is still 
the elephant in the room..!!
But upping my serotonin levels and evening out my emotional seesaw 
may help me get further, and let my eyes see clearer. At this time my 
sadness overtakes every other emotion so I don't ever have a clear focus 
of my options, or believe I have the strength to change my path


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     Thread Starter
 

Tue Jan 2 4:58 pm  #14


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

I'm reading along because I'm mulling over my options.

I think where I am leaning towards right now, is that I don't need to be single just to be single.  I worry that in being too hasty to divorce, I would end up compromised financially, and it may be better for me to get an agreement for spousal support and an agreement that we are going to live out our golden years separately.  But, I'm still not sure.  Our daughter is grown and about to graduate college, so there's no question of child support.

 

Wed Jan 3 1:31 am  #15


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

walkbymyself wrote:

I'm reading along because I'm mulling over my options....

There are ,I believe, many who mull over the options, not wanting to make the wrong choice....before 
they're ready. Just about everyone here who  said...."why did it take me so long to leave"....took years 
sometimes to break away. 

Ellexoh


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     Thread Starter
 

Fri Jan 5 2:19 pm  #16


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Another step in my path to accepting......that I am the one who holds the decision-making power in this relationship.

Pros for staying; financial security, friendship/sometimes lovers, easy life, no pressure
Cons of staying; no trust that what he says is true, forever unsure of my place in the r'ship, loving a man whose 
gender is fluid...who says he'll quash his desires

Pros for leaving; an emotional weight lifted off my shoulders 
Cons for leaving; ....replaced with the other emotional weight of failure, no job, no financial security

I've had a tough few days


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     Thread Starter
 

Sun Jan 21 6:28 pm  #17


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Learned 2 days ago that 'he' could not remember me asking for....nor himself promising me ....monogamy. 
But, this time, gave it "grudgingly" (his word). 

I know about allowing him, begrudgingly, to do something  and know how THAT worked out.  This is one step forward....then two steps back. Damnit.

On a lighter note...I have written an opinion piece for a newspaper, about the oft-unacknowledged individual 
in the turmoil of these r'ship equations. It sits in Draft....waiting to be sent

Last edited by Ellexoh (Sun Jan 21 9:13 pm)


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Mon Jan 22 4:10 am  #18


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Send it. Part of our path forward is simply following the intuitions that come, doing what seems to be right, and trusting. I've just posted a letter to my brother and sister-in-law, 'coming out' to them, that we have a 'mixed orientation marriage'.

 

Mon Jan 22 1:59 pm  #19


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Brassyhub wrote:

Send it. Part of our path forward is simply following the intuitions that come, doing what seems to be right, and trusting. I've just posted a letter to my brother and sister-in-law, 'coming out' to them, that we have a 'mixed orientation marriage'.

I did it. Emailed it, text my counsellor that I had, then logged in here to tell the MOM section and saw your post!  How did it make you feel? to write it to people close to you?


Last night *he* spoke of shackling/locking his genitals while I'm away for a week soon. So....while I've been angsting over his begrudging promise of monogamy.....it's been such a non-issue to him that he's focussing on HIS sexual needs and obsession, thinking of his own gratification.We are poles apart. 

It's a strange feeling..writing all this down, in a specific section (MOMs)......the stage of my journey where I'm at...
of a site I no longer feel as welcome in as I did when I first found it......

Last edited by Ellexoh (Mon Jan 22 2:34 pm)


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Tue Jan 23 8:29 am  #20


Re: Making it work.....monagamously

Sorry that you don't feel so welcome here, Elloxoh. I'm sad. Do you want to tell us why? I hope that all here will support you in whatever choices you make. Only you can make them, and only you can guess what's best for you, and what might work. Few MOMs 'work': that is a statistical reality, and for those of us hoping, wanting, intending, working to stay with our current non-straight partners, we need to know that the dice are stacked against us. But then none of us are just statistics. I personally resonate to your list of pros and cons, and I think I'll work on my own. Hang in there!

 

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