It’s still very early.  Give yourself more time.  It will lessen, slowly over time.  I am 8 months out, it’s not perfect but it’s light years ahead of where I was even a few months ago.  Now I’m not no contact but I was in very deep shock the first few months.  Keep moving forward, time will help.  You will get there.

I am on medicine for anxiety and depression. The first time i left i went to therapy (before finding evidence from Craigslist) and was diagnosed with PTSD. Unfortunately i can not afford to go back to therapy again. I’m trying to make healthier choices so i can heal. Some days it gets to be too much to handle. I’m trying to be patient with my emotions.

Kel

All of the above. I feel like I’m choking from a lump feeling in my throat. The meds have helped with that feeling tremendously. I’m stuck in the fight or flight mode constantly. Sick to my stomach. Constant thoughts. Miserable

I’ve decided to do a cleanse. No more numbing my feelings with alcohol. Time to face this all head on. I’m starting to work out...i think this will help everything overall. Trying to train my brain to not think of him and to focus on myself.

Part of me wishes i could just move away and have a fresh start.

Last edited by RW (November 28, 2017 11:06 am)

You are doing really well RW, I know it’s hard for you to see but that month NC is such a big gain for you, a foundation to rebuild, I know it doesn’t feel like that now but it definitely is.

The longer you are away from him and his games the more your brain will slowwwwwly start to refocus on you. And as cliche as it is, time is a big healer, but of course it takes time! No-one can say this will pass quickly, it won’t, you will hurt and struggle and ruminate for a long time, you just have to go through it. But as Phoenix says you will start to see progress at some point. I promise you you will come out happier and stronger and in control of your own life.

Alcohol cleanse sounds a very good idea, I did that for a while too and it helped, I’m much more in control now.

Don’t be afraid to just rest, when your day is done, rest, your mind and body are battered, you need to take it easy on yourself.

You’ll get there, I know you will.

Your mind feels battered because it IS.  Your body feels battered because it is the vessel of your soul, which has also been battered.  This can zap the energy right out of you.

Take it easy - get plenty of rest, try to eat healthfully so you have the fuel to repair, and get the help you need for your mind.  I know you're already doing some of that.  I have an emotionally unwell son who took us through the ringer for the last several years he lived with us.  I.was.exhausted.  All the time - could never get enough sleep.  Felt like I was living with PTSD (I'm convinced that we all were).  It took a while after he moved for us to start laughing again.  For us to stop being in damage control mode and start planning for our future and not just missing the good parts of him.  I still have a much lower resistance to bullshit now - I've lived in it for so long that I can smell it a mile away.  And I have no time to waste on getting overly upset anymore - I've done enough of that for a lifetime.

It's a slow heal.  But don't rush it.  Just do what you need to, and one day, you'll turn around and see that you've come a good distance from where you were, without realizing you were making any headway at that time.

Kel