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1 of 1- Dee
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New thread for MaryC
Hi MaryC,
I’m starting a new spot for you here, we can’t respond and support you in the original spot you posted, that’s a read only section. First of all, you are on the right place here, we all understand the soul crushing pain of this, and hopefully we can help you and support you. We are on different parts of the journey. Myself, I gave mine the boot after a 30+ years of marriage, when I finally figured out what was going on. I too saw things that I can never get out of my brain, but I’ sure working hard at it! And everyday it gets easier and easier! Let me be blunt, not to make you feel bad, but so we can help. Your husband is a horrible person, and only started sobbing about changing when he got caught. They all have the same playbook, they don’t stop. If they are meeting strangers for sex, he’s putting your health and life at risk. And he didn’t care about that before. Why did you decide to go back? It helps to figure out what exactly you are afraid of. I can tell you this, I’m alone now, and healing nicely. My life is my own, and drama free. I no longer worry about what he’s doing or with who. It was eating me alive, and I didn’t realize how badly until he was gone. He tried to suck me back into his garbage, and then I went no contact with absolutely everything. That’s the day I truly felt empowered. You deserve the same. You can do it. Keep posting, we are listening. Hugs.
- Dee
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Re: New thread for MaryC
Sorry, didn’t see this was already started, and can’t figure out how to delete it!
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Thread Starter- MaryC983
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Re: New thread for MaryC
Actually he did give me an STD (genital warts) and kept telling me I probably have got it from a dirty toilet seat. Then when I was in the hospital the Doctor told me no way did I get it for a toilet seat and then he told me I got it from my husband, and to date my husband still says the Doctor is wrong. I was living with my parents for almost a year and I really started missing my kids as they are with my husband and by the way stand behind him, but I can’t say anything to that because I don’t want to lose my kids. Believe it or not I started missing my husband, but I have been back for 4 months now and there is times I can’t even look at him, I get so filled up with anger, hurt and then I just start eating it helps to calm me down. I have been trying to work out to try and get rid of this anger. I have days when I’m happy but most downs I just push down my feelings and find it hard to come up for air. We have been married for over 30 years and he has been a good father and always kept a job, kept a roof over our heads and food on the table. I am trying to hang onto the good times we used to have but then all the other stuff comes up.
I am just scared to start out on my own, I don’t even know where to start and thinking about splitting everything up just seems like more bloody work. I did live on my own for a while when I went back to work after my LTD but I was lonely.
I just don’t know what I want 
- Abby
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Re: New thread for MaryC
I am glad your post got moved so people can respond. I also was married for more than 30 years but the difference between your situation and mine is that he found the love of his life (male) and wanted out of the marriage. Early on he had admitted in counseling to being "bi" but - as time proved - the percentage of his attraction to women was at best in the single digits.
If you have not seen an attorney (solicitor where you are?) I urge you to do so. Find out what your rights are and how to protect them. You do not have to live with him in order to have time with your children. He does not get to determine your life.
I told myself for years that I should be satisfied with my marriage because he did not beat on me or (financially) cheat on me. After he left I began adding the phrase with "but he doesn't love me." With him gone I began to realize how diminished I had become as a person, blindly accepting that I did not need love or respect as long as he was good with the children and we had a good life materially. My question to you is how much will you devalue yourself in order to stay with what you know and avoid the unknown? You already have had some of the health consequences.
Your husband has shown his true self to you repeatedly by his conduct. Over the past several years I've come to think of marriage like a vase: once broken it cannot be reassembled and made as good as new. For sentimental reasons you can set it on a shelf or store it in a cupboard so you still have it but you can't use it for what it was meant for.
It is not easy splitting everything up, finding a place to live and starting out again but on this Thanksgiving Day the thing I am truly thankful for is that I am divorced. If he had not ended his charade I still would be plodding through the motions of life "Til death do its part."
I hope this helps. Keep reading and posting here because we gain strength from each other.
Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.