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Wed Oct 4 2:35 pm  #1

Brassyhub's story

Hi Brassy,  no one can reply in the stories section but I wanted to so I am starting a thread here (don't know how to copy your story across)

Firstly I have to admit that reading your story I was so glad I got out of my marriage when I did - much too late but not as late as you.  I was late 50's when I worked out my husband was gay.  I am living in my own home now for 4 years and I can't say it has been easy but I dunno, it's like having a nest to curl up in and have a good rest.

Say your wife was able to take the female viagra, what good would that do?  

You are not alone.  There are lots of pained husbands knowing or unknowingly married to lesbians.  And it is the same for the straight women married to closet gays - at some point you face the reality of the spouse you have poured your love into, you face the question who is this person who hid their true feelings from me all these years?

wishing you all the best Brassyhub - we get it here, we know how much it hurts.  Personally I am a lot more peaceful without the irritation of a fake husband but the social dislocation of divorce is huge.  it's a very personal choice what will work for you.  and you take it one step at a time, it's a journey.

Last edited by lily (Wed Oct 4 2:53 pm)


Wed Oct 4 3:13 pm  #2

Re: Brassyhub's story

I’m glad you started this thread Lily. I wanted to say how sad it was Brassyhub, that you wished for your libido to lessen so you could be happy. So many of us women want to feel wanted in that way by a man, and a faithful loving one at that. Be PROUD of who you are, don’t twist and remake yourself. I know it is unbelievably hard to make a step forward but your wife has told you there is no sexual future and you have the right to end that and look for what you need elsewhere. I would love a man who was faithful, committed and who desired me! We are everywhere out there. I wish you the best, don’t be beaten down.

Last edited by Duped (Wed Oct 4 3:13 pm)


Thu Oct 5 6:46 pm  #3

Re: Brassyhub's story

thanks Duped.

yes wishing for your libido to lessen so you can be happy is sort of upside down isn't it.


     Thread Starter

Fri Oct 20 7:15 am  #4

Re: Brassyhub's story

Upside down? Perhaps. Unless you've spent a lifetime with a partner that you still love and share so much with, and take your marriage vows seriously, and feel (and are) too old and too poor to start new separate lives. 'For better, for worse,' clearly, this is some of the worse. And hard to imagine a worse worse than this! But she really isn't looking elsewhere, and has tried all she can and given all she can, I believe. Unlike so many others here, there haven't been long-term lies and deception. Rather just amazing blindness and inability to face reality on both our part. She's now at least re-opening therapy, and exploring her family tree and the possibility of abuse... Will this change, much, our reality? I doubt it. But if it gives her greater understanding and peace of heart, that's all gain. And it may indeed give me greater understanding and compassion.


Fri Oct 20 7:07 pm  #5

Re: Brassyhub's story

I just went and reread your story.  I was 19 when I entered my relationship and 59 when I divorced in 2013.  I was married even longer than you have been before I called it quits.  No children.  Guess how much sex I've had in the four years since - yep you got it - none.  Blimey I've thought about it a lot tho!  

I fell in love, almost straightaway, and tho he is unavailable - on the other side of the world, married to a lesbian-in-denial, just grown up children, lacks the funds to divorce without making them all poor - it is four years later and I still feel the same way, my admiration for him hasn't shifted one bit.  Monogamy is a bitch isn't it.  A beautiful bitch, grateful to be one, but still you end up in impossible situations.

The belief I had that despite the lack of sex or physical affection there was intimacy in my relationship with my xgidh ended when my love for him ended.  He'd used up the last drop.  I remember the moment.  We were back from hospital, he'd had some heart problems and now he stood there and patted his chest and said the good thing about this is no one can question me any more.  And he gave me one of those charming smiles.  That's the point where i realised he had led me round the mulberry bush til the cows came home.  And what's worse - he'd done it deliberately.

It's mind-blowing really.

     Thread Starter

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