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Fri Oct 6 9:30 am  #21


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

brooksey -

I didn't think you meant any disrespect - no worries.

Kel
 


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Fri Oct 6 11:20 am  #22


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

Brassyhub, I think I know exactly how you feel. There is no one else in the world I want, and I never will.

My husband has gotten an apartment. Apparently he's openly dating men now. I wanted to have hope. He told me he's going to start seeing our therapist next week, and I thought maybe he will realize there aren't such clear lines. That it's possible to love your wife and love having sex with men, and somehow we could figure it out. But he doesn't love me. He never did. I am hopeless. How long until I see him at the grocery store with a boyfriend? Or people say, hey I saw him with a guy at this restaurant? Knowing he's sharing a bed and his body and intimacy with someone else, and knowing I won't ever have another kiss? Another hug? Another hand to hold, ever? I have taken him out of my will and changed all my beneficiary information. I've started contacting charities to donate our possessions. I have nothing left. Being alive and having a life are such vastly different things, and simply being alive isn't worth the fight anymore.

I hope you all are able to find happiness.

     Thread Starter
 

Fri Oct 6 11:51 am  #23


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

brooksey, 

I am incredibly worried about you.  The tone of your post sounds like you are preparing to remove yourself from this world.   PLEASE DON'T hurt yourself.  You are a shining light.. a survivor.. This world needs people like you in it.  You can and will find happiness and you can help others too.  

I care about you!  I will be devastated if you hurt yourself.  Please.. I'm begging you.. reach out to someone for help.  Give it more time, give yourself a chance to heal a little.  The pain does subside and things get better.. I promise.. I lived it.  Don't make a decision now to remove yourself from the world. 

National Suicide Prevention hotline:   1-800-273-8255

I sent you a message with my phone number as well.  I'm not a professional.. I'm not qualified to help you or give you therapy or council.. but I care deeply.  Please promise you'll reach out before taking your own life.  


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

Fri Oct 6 12:49 pm  #24


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

brooksey,

You're scaring me, too.  You're right - there IS a difference between just living and having a life.  But that doesn't mean that you'll only have one and not the other.  You have yourself convinced of that at this point.  But it's NOT true, hon.  It's a lie that you're letting yourself believe.  You would NEVER let a good friend of yours believe such a lie about themselves.  There is always hope.  All is not lost.  It just seems like it in this moment.  Just wait it out a bit - one day at a time.  And get help.

Please take care.  Keep coming back.  We're HERE for you!

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Fri Oct 6 4:11 pm  #25


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

brooksey,

Don't do anything rash.    You may be alone ... for now.   You say you will only love him... for now.   We do not know what the future holds.   You are not really alone.   You have a God.   And you have us to talk to..

When this first hit me I  crumbled.. I thought it was the end for me.. My entire existence revolved around my then wife.   And you know what....its not true..   Like you I thought it was the end  but it was not...our spouses are not Gods....in time you may find they are very hurtful and selfish people..  

Sending you a big e-hug.   Feel free to message myself or any of us anytime.   


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Fri Oct 6 4:50 pm  #26


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

Brooksey, please let us know you're ok. Things d change and move on. I've felt that no-one else will ever be the one for me and I've moved on and loved others. Please give this a chance. We all care that you are ok, one step at a time...you are an inspiration to us with your strength.

 

Fri Oct 6 11:06 pm  #27


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

Hi Brooksey - Please post and let us know you're ok. I am so sorry you're in this place right now. 

I'd also like to say that I'm sorry you're having such a shit awful experience in Texas.  I've lived in Texas my entire life and I have to say, I've never met any of the types people you're describing.  I'm assuming you live close to Houston from some of your past posts?  It must be a tiny town with lots of weird ass backwoods people.  I have several friends in Houston and it is very culturally diverse.  In the city where I live, I've never seen anyone in camouflage or heard comments about non-white people or heard people talk about others who did not have kids.   I am like you...I knew from a very young age that I never wanted kids.  I call myself a non-breeder .  None of my close friends (except for one) have kids.  Again, I don't know if maybe you're in a really small town where a bunch of idiots have congregated but is there any way at all to move?  Even to a different part of the city? 

Please hang in there.  You've been through a lot.  I wish I could say something to make it all better.  We're here for you. 

 

Sat Oct 7 9:57 am  #28


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

We are all here for you, please let us know you are ok.

 

Sat Oct 7 12:46 pm  #29


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

Brooksey,
Please tell us you’re ok!  Please reach out to get help.  Don’t do anything to harm the wonderful person that  you are.  There is hope.  Don’t let this persons deception take you away from this world.  You are too strong for that.  We are here for you.

Last edited by majenco (Sat Oct 7 12:48 pm)

 

Sat Oct 7 3:32 pm  #30


Re: Does anyone ever have a happy ending?

brooksey,

I'm going to approach this from a  different angle than all the rest. I have been through exactly what you have but I was married to the Gay man for 47 years so I am suffering a substantial loss of life.  I am 67 years old. I am now 18 months past me throwing him out and 2 days ago my divorce was final. I don't love him anymore because he has no integrity and even less decency. That's not someone I would ever love. Let's insert some reality here. I rescue dogs as well and I cannot ever imagine saying I love them and then considering ending my life leaving them behind to fend for themselves all over again  because I am this miserable (and I am just like YOU are-same exact place). I made a promise to care for them and I'm going to KEEP IT. They only have me and I only have them. I'm not going to come out of being in a marriage where I despise him for not keeping his promises to me and then turn around and break the promise I made to my dogs. DO NOT get any more dogs until you resolve some of this sadness and rise up to move on ahead (and you will). I was horrified at that suggestion (but then again, she's playing some sort of therapist here instead of comforting those who stop by here in shock and I don't care for her anyway). Dogs, especially those who need rescuing, don't need another temporary commitment.  What I am saying here is think of your dogs and making loving them and receiving the love you obviously receive from them, your focus. My three dogs have saved my life and bridged this horror. We are a surviving family and the best.  I owe them everything and you can bet I'm not going to end my life because of this man and his well hidden sexual preference that isn't me. I've had 3 therapists for the last 18 months - with all addressing difference aspects of this and giving me considerably better direction as a team than just one therapist's opinion. ALL have CREDENTIALS - not anonymous posters posting on any website. You say you love your GID husband. I thought that as well. What I have learned is I never knew him. He was exactly this scumbag all along but I attached who I thought I would marry to him with great success. He would be decent, loving and full of family values. That's who I would marry, right? Well, apparently not. The man I loved didn't exist. I conjured him up because that's who I would choose to marry and spend my life with. My gauge was way off. Perhaps my revelation can offer you some clarity. Why would you ever love someone that would do this to you?  I too did the STD tests. I sobbed through having to even ask for it in the doctor's office. I am an accomplished attorney and wouldn't ever be this stupid. Well, here I am. He consumed my life. I was constantly watching out for this and that and waiting for him to do the next terrible thing to me. I had work "friends" and one other friend but I am in the same position as you are. I'm just further along in this process. I realize I am not looking to date. I am looking for friends that are trustworthy and are looking to contribute as much in my life as I do theirs. I am often times used for other reasons because of my profession. 

I'll wind this up with one idea. You owe it to your dogs to stay on this earth and take care of them. Make them your family. You can trust them, talk to them all day and count on them to share you life with. I know you know this already. You haven't lost a thing. You uncovered a part of your life that wasn't what you thought it was. That makes you smarter, stronger and able to seek out situations and relationships that ARE beneficial to you and healthy. I'm on this ride with you - just a bit ahead on the road. You aren't alone at all. Don't allow yourself to distort what's taken place. That will make you unable to move on ahead to firmer ground. Let him go or he will destroy you. Dig deep. The courage is there. If you were in front of me I would look you directly in the eyes and tell you this is going to be okay because it's the truth. As soon as he's out of your life completely, you will take a breath and realize that. 

Judy

Last edited by Judy (Sat Oct 7 3:36 pm)

 

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