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Fri Sep 29 10:49 pm  #1


Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

I am here becuz it was the best there was at the time when worlds collided. 6wks until i can schedule shrink appointment.4 to 6 weeks before intake. do u get that? and i am already being treated for PTSD, major depression, Frightening anxiety recently CPOD and also i have recently found myself a 'beard' to a  not heterosexual recalling that pissed me off. the man has been named and caught. He has no problem hitting my face ripping my hair out(it was long) and breaking my teeth this time. i curled up like a potato bug. it could've been worse. i am far away. theres more. its all about his and others secret closet up to 40 years now. My group closeted men aren't friendly, anything to keep a secret. 1998 they tried to murder me. a monday. june 1.  I said this again july 2017 outloud. All the same players came out to hurt me.this is my real life. This ain't normal. if i had't put the bottle down 2 years ago, i might not have noticed. they want me to shut about them, maybe i can live if i cook and clean.     RUN RUN RUN AWAY I was sixteen in '76. RUN
What he does he to me that is sooo different then a girlfrienf/boyfriend? he was my live in my lover, he insited i call him boyfried. At m age, how riducloud..  Men who will take not ask. No shame. And then insist you commit sucide. ANYTHING TO HIDE THEIR NATURE. I am fucking serious 

But this 54 year old man prides himself as never ever being in a fight with a boy since 6xth grade. And he is certinly not gay (.another lie)  Woman don't count with this one. The last beating he admitted it was beacause he wasn't a woman. That beating was 10 days ago. he was beating me. I figured it out who and what he was. the evidence in front of me . then i got  grand slammed  He said via text you ar right an you've been lucky. long time agp blablah DONE  Gary gave me grand lucky i am alive spam  FUCKING RUN. A'll of you.

Last edited by Allison (Sat Sep 30 5:27 pm)

 

Sat Sep 30 9:59 am  #2


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

Allison,

Its a good question...trying to move on but staying here..   I would not say we humiliate ourselves here. Rather we try to process what happened to us because it was/is so damn horrible and wrong.

It sounds like, mixed in your post, that you're moving on...  keep moving...self love and self care are things we neglect being married to these insatiable spouses.    We do not lie, cheat or rage at ourselves ...and that is priceless.

 

Last edited by Rob (Sat Sep 30 8:50 pm)


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Sat Sep 30 11:14 am  #3


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

Allison
I'm worried about your safety.  If you are still living with him you need to get away.  Family, friends, a domestic violence shelter, the police, even a suicide hotline (where you could ask for a referral)--can you call any of these to ask for safe harbor?  Have you documented your injuries with photographs?  Please take the steps to find refuge.  You should not have to live four to six weeks living with someone who is willing to beat you and break your teeth to keep his secret. 

 

Sat Sep 30 4:21 pm  #4


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

TY. Outofhiscloset.  He's not here. He has a key to unit but not the outside door.Building has cameras everywhere inside and out. I'v been frightened too a few times. when i get back from the market I have to open doors and look in closets and have that tension and fear that at any minute boom. I hate that. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago w/other predictable crap.  Yesterday he texted me 'I still care about you, A.'
I texted back 'FU Skank'. His phone had so many hook ups in it 2 a day and ratings.  I am glad i found it. My eyes are open but 40 years of flashbacks one after another are hurting me right now. I know i can get thru it but it hurts like hell. I am taking my meds. I am so ashamed and humiliated. I will not protect him. He did not protect me. He gaslighted and triangulated and so much more. I was a 'beard'. They should teach that word to kids in health class at high school.  Might save a few from my current plight.

     Thread Starter
 

Sat Sep 30 5:01 pm  #5


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

i  will be ok. I am way to stubborn to die. Support groups are great (i mean really great) . This online group is really good. I appreciate  the adminstrators quelling me and removing certainly inappropriate comments of mine. I am just starting to find my language skills again. Not there yet, but on my way. I ve been to a lot of groups in my lifetime, i just never knew this is where an empty chair was waiting for me  I will do better when speaking to this community. Thank you for listening. Allison

Last edited by Allison (Sat Sep 30 5:02 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

Sat Sep 30 5:24 pm  #6


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

Yes Allison, please make sure you are safe at all costs.

 

Sat Sep 30 5:43 pm  #7


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

A few years back, a psychiatrist, ask me this question after hearing the story several thaerapist, interns residents were telling and knew about my life. blah blah. I'll never forget it. This decrypted look up at me and asked me 'Why haven't killed yourself, A.' I was thunderstuck and speechless. I was ICU in his hospital and being asked this. I stared and eventually said, 'too stubborn to die dr., too stubborn to die." . And here we are ll today. Even if u don't know it. It's real

     Thread Starter
 

Sat Sep 30 6:18 pm  #8


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

TY for your wisdom. It certainly helps.

     Thread Starter
 

Wed Oct 4 9:38 am  #9


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

Allison,

You're a fighter - that will serve you well in this situation.  Now,... have the locks changed on the door to your unit.  Someone can be going into the building and easily hold the door open for him to get in.  Easy peasy.  Get a restraining order against him.  Change your phone number.  Talk to a lawyer.  Get tested by your doctor.  Do all these things to protect yourself.  You are strong - you can do all these things.

This is a site for us to express ourselves, work through our pain, get feedback and ideas, and to have hope for a happy future.  I'm LONG over my gay ex situation - I'm still here because most people who have overcome a challenge then move on, leaving few people there who've been through it to be encouraging.  And also because after being here for years and reading tons, I see patterns and am able to point them out.  Eventually if you immerse yourself in something, you come to know it well.  I feel that I know this beast well, and therefore believe I can offer a perspective that may help others.  Also, I'm no bullshit - and I'm a "get off your ass" type.  There are many here who are encouraging - to balance me out.  Together, we all make up a solid group for people who can give you feedback, encouragement and spurn you forward.

Please take care.  I'm scared for you.

Kel
 


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Wed Oct 4 9:48 am  #10


Re: Is this site to move us forward or continue to humiliate ourselves?

P.S. - getting a restraining order is super easy.  You take the day off, go to your local courthouse, and ask where you need to go to file a restraining order.  They have you fill out the paperwork, and then there are typically people on-site to be your advocate.  They walk through your situation with you so that you can know what to ask for - just no physical contact vs. no contact whatsoever, etc.  You usually wait less than two hours and there is court held for all the people wanting restraining orders.  You stand before the judge as he reads the paperwork your advocate (who is right there with you) has given them.  They may ask you some questions.  Then, if they find the restraining order to be needed (and in your case, they WILL, since physical harm has already happened), they will issue it.  It'll list what the other person is limited to.  Then, you take a copy with you, a copy is kept with the court, and a third is given to the Sheriff's Dept.  You give them info on how to contact the person the restraining order is against.  They then deliver it to that person themselves.  They are informed in person of what the limitations are, and what will happen if they breach the order.

There is usually a court date set up for 2 weeks later.  You go back.  That's the opportunity for the other person to defend themselves.  If they don't show, the restraining order is automatically granted for a much longer period of time - up to two years.  The judge decides for how long.  If the other person shows up, they will be asked questions.  If the judge determines there is any danger to you, they still grand the restraining order.  If not, it's dropped.  If you have proof of past abuse - like a police report - then it's a sure bet the order will be extended, not matter what they say in their defense.  Most often, the offender doesn't even show.

No, a restraining order doesn't mean that the person can't break the order.  BUT..... it's part of you taking your power back.  It's part of saying, "No more."  And if they break the order in any manner, you call the police and they arrest the person.  They learn REAL quick.  YOU are not to allow the person to "break" the order.  You cannot let them into your home if the order says they aren't allowed to be there.  And that's because if you do, it's seen by the court as you no longer feeling threatened.  And then not only is the order invalid, but it's hard to re-establish.  If they are not permitted to connect with you via social media, phone or email, then don't contact them, either.

It's all very easy, and quick.  Same day service.  Immediate protection and orders that the Sheriff tries to deliver to them immediately.  It certainly can't hurt.

Kel

Last edited by Kel (Wed Oct 4 9:50 am)


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

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