Duped,
I'm going to channel Chump Lady here.  Trust that he sucks.  Trust that what you are seeing and the way he is acting is what he is.  Trust yourself, even though somehow he's tapped into your weakest self.  Trauma bonding, love bombing, devalue or discard, you are not the narcissist here.  
   What you're dealing with is a disordered person who is so far in denial that he is not rational, and he will use you.  Sweetheart, I know what you're feeling. I've done the same.  But it's not love.  He doesn't love.  In your need you may perceive it as love, but you know it's not love. You know this, and that's the source of your rage.  Of course you want to get even!
   The urge to stop keeping his secret does not make you a narcissist.  It means you are a truth teller, but that you feel somehow that to tell the truth is selfish (and you think that makes you a narcissist).  It's so hard to be self protective and to tell the truth.  They think we will stay in their closets, and they try to isolate us there, because if we move outside of the reality we live with them we will find the perspective to see how disordered they are.
   We've all been weak. We've all felt frustration.  We've all been desperate.  We've all lashed out. It's a response to being played.  
   I'm sorry I didn't see your post earlier--are you doing better now?
 

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 22, 2017 9:25 pm)

Duped,

How do you want to get even.  What vengeance would suffice?

Trauma bonding or insane loyalty will only get you more hurt...this you know in your bones.   

For me my ex is crazy or insane. She has a "broken moral core"..so there are no words I can say to her that will get me anything.
Ie.. if I tell her how much she hurt me she'll say " oh boo hoo..poor rob...im the victim here."

I'm telling you no contact is key...do not seek vengeance. .even that is a form of contact they will crave..  no contact.   Please view the top 10 ways to get back at your narcissist from Tom again;
  https://youtu.be/J3womK70af0

It was late here when I posted, I wore myself out with tears and slept for a couple of hours I woke up and he had messaged and said he'd got into trouble and threatened the same would happen to me. My phone was silent so I missed that and some calls  So I tried to ring to see if he's ok and hours later I still don't know so I am a bit of a mess still. I'm so tired of my time being spent in such a fog of tears and sadness, I know you all understand. If he's done something silly I will have to feel responsible for that too because I was goading him to try and get some response.

Thank you all for replying to me, I hated myself writing that post, I just can't handle the abandonment it pushes all my buttons so I can't think or act straight. I need to calm down and read all your replies again carefully but I won't take revenge, thank you for all pointing out that it will hurt me more.  I really did want to tell people to hurt him, not to release myself, I find I feel this more and more and it conflicts badly because I'm not like that, I look out for people and watch their backs, I don't like this change in me, I want to unknow all this stuff and not be so bitter and angry all the time. I remember happiness, how I used to be when I was single, I knew how to care for myself and I was content. Now, I just stumble all the time, I don't trust my instincts anymore, I turn to the one person who did this to me for some sort of company - how did I become so pathetic. I have other people who want to talk to me and spend time but I just can't build on those and fall back on this.

It means a lot that you were here for me this time, it feels like it's going to get worse before better still.

Last edited by Duped (September 23, 2017 3:33 am)

Duped,
First of all, I commend you for how far you've come! I can tell you are an intelligent and amazing woman. We all know what this feels like, to be absolutely gutted by the one person we trusted our lives with, gutted and left for dead on the side of the road like roadkill. But still some part of us, the part that kept us there in the first place, the caring and compassionate and forgiving part, misses our old life and even our old version of them. If we could only see and feel that old version one more time, we would feel so much better. But that version is dead, and we need to bury it for good. Once it's buried, we can grieve, be sad , and angry, and everything else, but eventually we wake up one day and we feel happy and unburdened. And the ONLY way that will ever happen for you is by going no contact. Block him from everything you can. OOHC is right about Chump Lady, I also spend a lot of time there , I love how she just cuts through the crap. You can do this, you already have, please save yourself, you are worth more than this.
Hugs.