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September 21, 2017 10:54 am  #1


Childhood abuse

How many of you were told your spouse was abused as a child?  Is it a cause?  An excuse?  I don't want to get bogged down in the whys here but genuinely curious how many claimed to have experienced this.

 

September 21, 2017 11:39 am  #2


Re: Childhood abuse

I was told this by my spouse after 27 years of marriage. He did have a tragic childhood. Alcoholic father who was supposedly kicked out of the house by his mother. My spouse's mother died when he was ten. He went to live with a crazy, really evil older half-sister and her even more evil husband. My husband became an altar boy while living with them. He told me he was sexually abused by the priest. He said the priest was not cruel but his half sister and her husband were. He eventually told them what the priest was doing to him. The half-sister told him he was a lying sinner. Her huband told him if he did those things for the priest then he could do them for him also. The half-sister's husband abused him physically, sexually and enjoyed being cruel to him. Incidentally the biological kids from that couple were all tragic endings. A succeesful suicide by the daughter. A schizophrenic son. I think the Dad abused them all and the mother allowed it.

 

September 21, 2017 11:44 am  #3


Re: Childhood abuse

He told me this four years before I found out he was having promiscuous gay sex. Is it a cause?  I did read a psych. Article that many kids abused by men in childhood grow up to be sex addicts or act in sexually prmiscuous ways. Did it make him gay?  What happens to a ten year old who is repeatedly assaulted my male adults?

 

September 21, 2017 11:44 am  #4


Re: Childhood abuse

Oh god that is horrific.  The abject cruelty people subject children to is heartbreaking.

     Thread Starter
 

September 21, 2017 1:17 pm  #5


Re: Childhood abuse

Yes. Horriffic. I was honestly shocked when he told me and it felt like something of a betrayal for him not to tell me before we were married. I was really traumatized by the news. I was so angry at his abusers. It made me think it was the reason he became an addict and the reason he eventually developed ed problems. But it also gave me another secret to keep. Ugh. And he got very little therapy for it. One therapist told him to talk to me about it. The other told him to magically let it go. He never talks about it. I have been loving and supportive of him in every way I can think of. But I have also suffered from the effects of it. Since I learned TGT I have wondered if it is all really true because he has lied to me about so many things. I guess I do believe it. I feel empathy for him. But my life is also destroyed. And it's another thing I have to keep secret, right?  So now I've got all of this horrible horror show of secret burdens to carry around. My husband was sexually abused as a child (by men). He is an alcoholic who has supposedly tried to quit for at least sixteen years.  He has promiscuous gay sex. I can't believe I'm even posting this here but that is my current reality. Early on in his addiction treatment a therapist told him he has toxic shame. Now I have it, too. I am also curious how many gay spouses have a history or story of childhood sexual abuse.

 

September 21, 2017 3:48 pm  #6


Re: Childhood abuse

Well our stories certainly have similarities. I struggle to understand and have empathy.  Right now I am grappling with intense anger.  It comes in waves.  I don't know if anything he tells me is true or if it even matters at this point.  I have to assume at some point I will be driven to make a decision about how to move forward.

     Thread Starter
 

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