I'm so sorry.  It's such a shock.  You won't see it this way at this point in time, but it's actually a gift that he told you the truth - so many of us never get that.  That being said, know that in the upcoming weeks/months, he's likely to try to take that back.  Because he won't want the changes that come from his declaration.  The fact that he told you something this big means that he's likely been weighing this decision for a looooong time - years or even decades.  It will take you much longer to come to terms with this than it will him - because he's already had a ton of time.  He may have known since childhood.  So don't be rushed into accepting this.  It is what it is, but you don't need to start marching in gay pride parades in order to show that you understand what he's said.  They so often want us to immediately start supporting them - as if they're the victim.  Don't do that.  You worry about you right now.

You will feel a million emotions in the upcoming weeks/months/years.  They're all okay.  Anger, fear, confusion, sadness, disbelief, even mourning.  They're all normal.  Find yourself a counselor (for yourSELF - not as a couple) so you have an outlet.  Try to tell someone who you know is a good friend to you and can support you.  Keep coming here - we totally get it.

I wish you the best -

Kel

Welcome Stlouismom, 

You are not alone.  I'm glad you found our group.  We have been through the same experience and know the pain.  

You will have many questions to find answers to, the primary being, "What does this mean for my marriage".  We can help you work through some of these questions.  But, don't stress more than necessary by trying to figure out everything in a single day.  Take care of yourself and manage your health through this trauma.  One day at a time!

Welcome to the group.. let us know how we can support you. 

How are you doing Stlouismom?
 

I'm glad to hear back from you.  Sorry you are having a bad day today. 

I remember the roller-coaster very well.  I struggled with lack of sleep and with depression.  I also had anxiety attacks.  I spent hours and hours of every day thinking of how every memory was now tarnshed. 

If possible, try to take solace in the knowledge that this is a roller coaster.  You are going to have some really bad days (like today).  I had many of those.  At some point I learned to take some comfort in the fact that following a low point is an upswing.  When i couldn't handle the depression and couldn't find a way to cheer up I could at least take some comfort in knowing that my emotions would change on a daily basis and that at some point soon I would feel a little better for a while.  

 

What really sucks the most is that we have talked, cried a lot and even laughed more over the past week and a half than we have in the past 3 years. He had a horrible struggle with depression these last several years all because of this.  He loved me I know he did. He was truly in love with me. That I do know for a fact. We have two teenage sons who we have made a priority in this mess that is now our life. I do have a therapist as does he. Our boys already have one that stems from bullying issues and their ADHD issues. I know he struggled with what has become his truth. He was probably bi in the beginning but it has come down to being just gay this last year. He hoped the medication would make the feelings go away and they didn't. Now That he has admitted it all out loud his depression is a lot better and he is actually being weened off the meds. That is a positive I know, but it doesn't mend my broken heart. He has been my best friend for almost 30 years. I can't picture my life without him in it.