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Sat Jul 1 10:44 am  #1


So I didn't realize until recently that June is Gay pride month.  Or maybe more specifically Pride month but it seems to be centered more on Gay pride more than any other pride. 
As my Facebook became more flooded with rainbow colors and statements a few cropped up about hetero pride and then all the resulting back lash about how hetero's aren't persecuted or shunned and don't deserve a pride day. 
I found those comments infuriating as I thought back to the 15 years my gay ex husband had stolen from me, the pain he caused when he walked out on our family  while I was sleeping, and the support network he had that told him he was doing the right thing.
I found myself in tears over the fact that 4 years later this still hurts and opened wounds I had thought were healing.  I feel that I hate my birth month and wonder if I will be going through this every year. 
I needed to get this off my chest.  Comments are always appreciated but this was mostly a way for me to vent.
Thank you


Sat Jul 1 11:08 am  #2

Re: June

I understand your anger completely.  Spouses and families of previously closeted gay/trans people are collateral damage.  It's a great irony that in the general celebration of "honesty," we are swept under the rug.

I wish I had advice about how to reclaim June for yourself.  Maybe others will chime in with suggestions.


Sat Jul 1 11:41 am  #3

Re: June

I've had a little trouble with June being Pride month as well.  Even my employer has been flying large rainbow flags under the American flags.  

Due to our experience it is normal for a straight spouse to be triggered by "gay pride".  I think anyone would understand that it's hard for us to celebrate something that caused us pain.  But it's important to be clear that we don't hate gay people.  We need to be supportive and desire our society to stop discrimination.  When that happens there won't be so many who chose to take a str8 spouse to hide their sexuality. 

The part that hurts me is what OOHC mentioned.  We are a victim but are not seen nor heard.  I search for a way to raise awareness for the plight of the str8 spouse. 

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 


Sat Jul 1 1:39 pm  #4

Re: June

Can't say I've ever seen it used as a celebration of being out on the 'down-low'. Anyone doing that isn't likely to show their face at a pride event or parade. I agree with Phoenix, one day maybe there can be no real reason for someone to hide their orientation.


Mon Jul 3 5:03 am  #5

Re: June


Try the 46 years I had stolen from me by my Gay ex. I spent longer with him than anyone else here I've read about. Hell, I spent longer with him than the average age of most here. That makes me either a real dumb ass or spectacular wife who keeps her committments. Mine had a pituitary tumor which typically renders men with NO sex drive so I had that in the back of my mind as a reason he shunned me sexually. The water was significantly murky in that regard. I digress. The real reason I am commenting on this is because I am a life long Democrat who marched with and did everything in my power to advance Gay rights but let me tell you I am completely disillusioned and adrift because of the enormous anger I have toward my ex and his GID crappola. He used my entire life up and then discarded me when I found out what this 46 year marriage actually was. After 18 months of therapy, it's clear it was an integrity issue as well. I made it far too easy for him to use me and I have accepted my error. I am simply sick to death of these whiners who imagine Gays are persecuted these years. They are NOT. They were but they can marry etc. and there is no realistic reason they should whining any longer. I donated thousands of dollars to every single LGBT event and anyone who would take up the cause for them. They HAVE advanced plenty. Everywhere I look I see Gay men. Try watching Househunters on HGTV. It's full of Gay male couples. I am conflicted. Is anyone straight?  I am starting to wonder. Am I a bitter old lady? Perhaps. But I've lived this horror and a lot more life than anyone else here. This has cost me my health, peace of mind and I am so damaged emotionally I can no longer trust anyone's word. Things aren't what they seem. That much is very clear. I live alone and love it. I like me and I am amazed I survived a 46 year event like this wherein all I thought I built in life is gone. I never planned on being old, possibly sick and dying and alone. Don't wait to tell your grown children. I did and covered for him and when he left, he quickly told them I am crazy and imagined he was Gay. They believed him and I have also lost my 46 and 44 year old daughters for it. The family I built over my lifetime is all gone. Don't stay in these situations. GET OUT when you find out or even suspect it because your intuition is correct. Don't take antidepressants. They only delay dealing with what you must. You can't drug away your problems. Tackle it all head on. It makes moving on ahead less likely. 4 doctors have told me that. 

And to Daryl. You are correct. THERE SHOULD BE NO REASON anyone hides their orientation. That's what makes me so damn angry. To hide it and destroy someone's life like this is disgusting.

And to Phoenix (Lost Dad) - The reason they aren't honest about sexual preference is an enormous lack of integrity. Most Gays don't act like our ex's. They are honest.


Last edited by Judy (Mon Jul 3 5:04 am)


Mon Jul 3 5:07 am  #6

Re: June

Phoenix - I look forward to the time when sexual orientation isn't anyone's business and we don't seek to know it. It's private and personal choice. I don't tell everyone I come in contact with how much I love to get banged by a male. It's just nobody's business. 

But when you marry a straight person and you're Gay, then you are a selfish lying ass. You don't care about anyone but yourself. Most Gays don't act like that. 


Mon Jul 3 7:11 am  #7

Re: June

Judy, Daryl,

Yeah the single people who are gay and date and marry the same sex while I may not agree with this I have no problem with.   The gay in denial people who married us and hid their secret...yeah they are just lying asses.  Mine wants to exist in the straight world and won't own her gayness..easier to say I was a horrible husband. So she committed adultery with the same sex but it's ok because I was such a horrible person it makes it all ok..the adultery, the lying, the abuse..all ok.  She almost had me convinced I was at fault. 

I've been here trying to process all that's happened to me and why my ex did this, what did I do wrong etc.  (She had plenty of pathetic reasons she told you didn't take out the trash when I wanted you to)   

But I'm thinking really she was just a horrible ass.I witnessed and received treatment that even a normal gay person could not do. 

TGT may be the core reason but for me it's just the icing on the cake for a horrible person I am so glad to be away from.  Its a scary thing to be with someone that kept such a big lie but who will also destroy anyone and anything to hide it and their actions.

Did I mention how glad I was to be away from her...

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

Mon Jul 3 10:07 am  #8

Re: June

Judy, Rob, I agree selfish lying ass, I like living alone.  but I have had so much stripped from me and it hurts like hell and he is still gas lighting me til now I am losing those last friends that I thought I could never lose.

There has to be more closet gays than open ones because there wouldn't be any gays of any description if there weren't gays having sex with the opposite sex and that always seems to mean with straights and I wondered why - why don't they beard each other, I wailed - but now I think maybe it's because there has to be some attraction going on for the sex to happen, so at least one in the couple has to be hetero.

I feel so used by him.  it's horrible.



Mon Jul 3 10:36 am  #9

Re: June

Re so much of the above.  Just more of same here.  I too live alone after 28 years of marriage, years of being divorced now, and two daughters that I have lost due to him telling them I am crazy, " hypercritical", have a "negative vibe" that "infects" everyone else, and am the cause of all his "hurt" and general family problems.  I cannot imagine ever not living alone now.  After all of these years I continue struggling to focus on work, to get things done, and to move forward.  Life remains painful, lonely, and uncertain, but I have just accepted that that is the way it will be for the foreseeable future.  (I do have some friends and good time too.)

To those who are young, get out while you can if you see and experience any of the things people here talk about.  It will not get better if you stay, only worse.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott

Thu Jul 6 2:31 am  #10

Re: June

I agree with you Lake Breeze, to those who are young, GET OUT NOW before you look back and see most of your life behind you with relatively little left in front of you. The younger ones can rebuild their lives and their children can grow up knowing or gradually learning of TGT and it'll just be "normal" to them!

Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves

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