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Fri Jul 7 9:34 am  #11

Re: Another newbie. Any other stay at home mom's?


A warm welcome.   You wrote all the words many of us went through
"he was my best friend.".

That one took awhile for me to realize; my now ex was not really my friend let alone best friend.    Their ripping the rug out from us borders on evil or demonic.   You or I could never do that to a person.

The punchline for me. .my ex was a stay at home mom with no job in almost 2 decades.  It didn't stop her from worrying how she would live.
I worried about would I live.. how would she live.

Zero..rule#1.  Do not leave your home. Do this only if it makes financial sense and you have a legal parenting agreement.

First I would urge to be kind to yourself and realize you did nothing wrong to cause this.

Second,  you need to gather strength and support; small steps if you have to..maybe one day open your own checking account etc.    Visit a doctor, therapist etc.  Find strength in realizing the kids need a parent that will put them above all else... and these spouses are not it now matter what they say now.

Third, start gathering financial information..accounts etc.    This will be needed for step four..

Fourth, look for legal help by shopping for a lawyer..  Most offer a free
initial consultation..good ones offer some information that may ease worries and fears.

You and the kids are entitled to a roof over your heads.  Your husband may seem compassionate now about money etc but that can quickly change; ie..he is not your friend anymore..friends.. hell roomates don't do this to another person.     Hence why legal help is important...its an emergency and you need the right help for this emergency.

Its a scary time..  I could not see how we could afford anything.. TGT and divorce makes so financial sence.   But it is not forever.  I cannot ease your fears of the future but I can say divorcing my GIDX was the best thing I could have done for my health and well being.  Living with an covertly dishonest spouse is hell and it can quickly become worst than any fears you have of the future.

An warm e-hug (authentic and real).

"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7

Fri Jul 7 11:51 pm  #12

Re: Another newbie. Any other stay at home mom's?

KM and Scarey,
   I am also a Newbie to the site, so are not alone. My husband came out as Bi a year and a half ago. We decided to try having an open marriage. He did his thing and I did mine, I thought it was working. But after a year of us not having sex I was getting worried that Bi actually meant gay. One night I persuaded him to have sex and it was not good. It was like having sex with a complete stranger plus having to have him wear a condom, it felt all wrong. We didn't talk about it, we just went about our business. I finally approached him and asked why he thought it was 'off' and he said it 'just wasn't his thing' anymore. Really!?! When the hell did you think you were going to clue me into this relevation?! Here I am thinking the open marriage was working and we were all good.
So after 20 years of marriage, 2 teenage kids and years as being a stay at home Mom, I have to find a job, recreate myself, at almost 50 years old? I am terrified.
I don't have a lot of friends or family and am feeling quite lost. We are currently going to counseling to help us to try and communicate better. I have been blindsided so many times now. He says he wants to stay together until the kids are in college but will he really wait another 5-6 years? I have a hard time trusting him. Ugh. I found this site by accident, just knowing I am not the only one, gives me at least a small glimmer of hope.
One day at a time, that's all we can do. ((Hugs)). K2


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