Married 30 years. I found out my husband has booked himself in a men only gay hotel for two nights. He was going to visit his brother  for his birthday  & meet up with a friend he's not seen for 30 odd years. He told me he could only get 1 bnb for a night then would switch to another. He was telling me about this but I didn't know of them since its his home town. Anyway when he was in the bath I thought I have a look see where he's staying. I shouldn't have but I looked at his emails.We don't have anything to hide anyway. (Never have I done this before) One of the places sounded grand. However my husband had stated his was single and included his age & that he was looking forward to it with a smiley face. This was most odd. So I looked at the website & was so shocked. Had he booked in error not knowing it's gay. If it's men only do they supply women? Why's he state he's single when we've just celebrated our 30th wedding. Why's he single? Also he had booked this as the 3rd hotel unknown to me on the day our daughters going on holiday but we would have expected him home. So I expect he would say he stayed elsewhere for another couple of nights.This led me to check his history which had been cleared but not deleted. He had looked at mature big boobs.Then gay old men wanking? Then looking at craigs list  & gay pubs etc locally then gay camping holidays.. I was shocked. I tried not to say anything & couldn't stop myself. I said something like I'm sickened & shocked by what I saw.  This sort of history was just over 2 days the other history was ok.(Then he would know I've Checked his tablet..)I also had deleted the email for the gay hotel. I cried to myself feeling heart broken & distorted. Anyway the next night I said if you're saying your single then let me know & Ill be single too. When I asked if he knew it was a gay hotel he said its a retreat & I replied just be honest, where it's men only & clothing's optional & it's also famous. I asked if he's gay he said no & said he fancies women but as men have always come on to him he was a little curious. He also said he wasn't sure he would be brave enough to stay there. Anyway I cried he got upset & said he won't stay there. Went to bed separately but my heart was pounding I was so fraught. After a while weirdly you may think I though I would check he's ok & ask to hug him & also calm my erratic heart beat. Weirdly he said he thought his chest was hurting like he may have another heart attack.( He had one 2 years ago.) I said I don't want sex just a hug for both of us. We ended up being sexual & loving & he said I'm the only one for him. Not once did he criticise me looking at his emails. He said its so weird in 30 years he's never done this & I found out & he's glad I did as it was just a curiosity that he's not actioned. I think he should try it out as wouldn't like to think we stay together with theses feelings being repressed etc. One minute I'm ok then I'm not. It's feels worst than thinking of going with other women to me as I can't compete with a man. Your views?