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May 11, 2017 4:05 am  #1


Beginning Experience

Just wondering if anyone here has taken part in the Beginning Experience workshop or weekend retreat? http://beginningexperience.org/php5/index.html

It's for people starting over, either through death, separation or divorce, a cousin recommended it to me and I've decided to give it a go..........nothing to lose at this stage, just wondering if others have heard of it or experienced it themselves. I'm doing the weekend retreat in the next few weeks.

It's a year to the day since my STBX slithered out of the house, I say slithered as he did this while I was away, I arrived back and he was gone lock, stock and barrel! BUT I've lived on my own for a year, this is something I hadn't done before and I'm 54! So go me on that one!! I've come a long way since then, we'd lived under the same roof for six months post TGT. I still have shaky head moments and past conversations etc revisit me, times when he could have come clean but chose himself over me and the truth. My divorce will be final next month so that's another step forward. I'm getting to a new place, going forward little by little, it hasn't been easy and no doubt I've hard times ahead but I feel I'm in a far better position now than I was two years ago living in his closet and not knowing it. 


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
 

May 11, 2017 10:53 am  #2


Re: Beginning Experience

Foolme,
I have not tried the beginning experience but it sounds good.   I'm kind of figuring it out on my own.  

"..slithered out of the house.."  

My ex left with drama...had to make sure the kids went with her..  I stayed out while she did this as there was nothing left to say at that point.  

"..My divorce will be final next month.."

Party at your house or the new place?     New place and finally truly separated sounds exciting..  best wishes.

 

Last edited by Rob (May 11, 2017 10:57 am)


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

May 11, 2017 12:11 pm  #3


Re: Beginning Experience

I think it's a great idea! I love the idea of somone helping you with the grief counselling and hopefully helping you with the shock of living alone for the first time in your life. Really happy for you, hope you'll keep us posted on how it goes.

 

May 11, 2017 3:59 pm  #4


Re: Beginning Experience

Thanks guys, I've been in my new house 7 months now, it was 100% the best decision I've made! I'm not sure what I'll do the day of the divorce, I've a little time to think about that!!

I'll definitely post how I get on at the Beginning Experience. It'll be an experience anyway!!!


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
     Thread Starter
 

May 11, 2017 8:55 pm  #5


Re: Beginning Experience

Hi Foolme - I looked up the Beginning Experience program you mentioned.  I had never heard of it before. If it were me, I might be concerned about the fact that it is designed for those widowed and/or divorced, with no mention of the gay thing.  Obviously that would fit in the divorced category, but I wonder if the gay part of it all would be something they relate to.  They show a lot of testimonials on the front page about people who said they did not think anyone could understand what they were going through until they found that group, but I did not see anything about anyone who had experienced the gay thing.  While it is divorce, and involves grief, it is a unique grief and I just wonder how many a person might meet there who really would "get it".  I don't say this to discourage you in any way, but more as something I would see as a caution.  You would never really know if you did not at least try it, though.  It does look like a good opportunity to meet others face to face who are having or have experienced a very significant loss, though.


"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
 

May 12, 2017 12:46 am  #6


Re: Beginning Experience

Hi Lake Breeze, no, nothing to do with TGT, more to do with moving forward from a significant loss, a new start in life. On signing up for it I felt it may be a good springboard to a future. While our experience us unique on so many levels with such complex elements on other levels we are finding ourselves alone and starting off fresh ( I actually feel anything but "fresh" from this experience ) but will go with as open a mind as possible.

My biggest concern is it may be too religion focused for me, I'm not religious (I'd call myself more spiritual than religious), from the website it seems so but I was assured by my cousin that it's not.

I'm keeping an open mind and curious whether I'll feel comfortable to divulge the GAY thing, I reckon I'll play that one by ear at the time. I did have to fill in a questionnaire on booking and one question was around support groups and if you've attended any what type, I put in LGBT support group, that may lead to questions, we'll see. I'll post on my experience once completed.


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
     Thread Starter
 

May 24, 2017 7:11 am  #7


Re: Beginning Experience

Well I've done the weekend Beginning Experience retreat! Where it wasn't focused on the gay issues there were a number of similarities in our situations. The group was made up of 26 participants and 10-11 facilitators. We were asked not to discuss the ins and outs of the course but could speak of our experience.

I went with an indifference view to it, didn't know what to expect and didn't have any expectations of it, went with an open mind. The group was made up of people from all walks of life who've found themselves beginning again, through death, separation or divorce. I was the only one who was in this situation through TGT that I was aware of, others found themselves there through separation due to infidelity so kinda similar but not quite. 

The weekend was full on, very little alone time, we all met in the big group from time to time and at these meet ups one or two of the facilitators read us their story from different perspectives, ie from trust, grief, acceptance etc. We were asked to sit in a different seat with different people each time we met in the big room which meant we got acquainted with more people. After these big room sessions we broke down into core small groups (we were assigned these the first evening), we'd meet in the small group, with two facilitators, our group totalled 7. We'd also be given topics to think about and time to write out our thoughts, concerns etc alone in our rooms, these writings were ours alone to see, never shared unless we really wanted to. Lots of us found this time very beneficial.

I met a number of lovely people, mainly women but all in the same situation as me, starting over again and in need of support and companionship. We've said we'll try and meet up every 6-8 weeks or so and have some communications via text etc in the mean time. This is a huge thing for a lot of us and I'm delighted I've met some lovely like minded people. The Beginning Experience wider group arrange outings, like walks or dances etc from time to time & I've heard some people have met new partners through the network. Again this sounds good to have some social interaction with others starting over again.

All in all I felt it was a positive experience. I questioned some aspects of it as they were happening as others seemed to get more out of it at the time but that was ok for me too.

There was some religious emphasis, not too much, I'm a non practising Catholic and I was able to bear it!!!


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
     Thread Starter
 

May 24, 2017 8:45 am  #8


Re: Beginning Experience

Thanks for following up, sounds like you enjoyed it. Were there any "aha moments" that helped you?
 

 

May 24, 2017 8:49 am  #9


Re: Beginning Experience

Hi iamthelorax, No aha moments that I can recall but in one of our penning sessions I wrote 10 pages in the allocated hour and I wasn't done when the time was up. I was surprised at some of the stuff that came out of the pen!!! Stuff I hadn't thought about for years


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
     Thread Starter
 

May 24, 2017 12:54 pm  #10


Re: Beginning Experience

Glad to hear that it was an overall positive experience.  I had never heard of this group before.  I think if it had been me, I would have cried, and cried all day long in such intense and close up situations with the other people and their stories.  I don't think I could have done it.  Good for you, if it seems like it was helpful.


"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" - Sir Walter Scott
 

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