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Wed May 10 7:53 am  #21


Re: porn addiction he says

Hi Lyonene
Your story echoes so many of my soon to-be ex GID's story.  He admitted to being addicted to porn, but denies that it is gay porn.  Says it is pop up links that he followed, but the next moment admits that he was looking at the penises as to see if he is big enough.  Haha.  You have to look day in and day out at five different sites to see how yours compares to others?   
He also tries to blame it on me.  I have too strong a personality, question his decisions and that it makes him feel a lesser man.  Okay, so why haven't you mentioned that to me once in the last 5 to 7 years that we are together?  Why did you have to turn to gay porn to make you feel like a man?  
Like you I also had to ask myself is this the kind of man that I want to be with.  Because the man I married is not the one standing in front of me every day now.  He manipulates, lies, cheats, do whatever necessary to protect his image.  He watched me suffer this last couple of years and did nothing.  Only now that he is about to loose everything, and I mean everything since I am the financial stronger one & taking the kids with me, he is willing to do something.  And I mean something, since he is doing the minimum to fight for this marriage.  He sees people not understanding our break up over a few lies and still does not explain to them the real reason why we are divorcing.  And that is how I know he doesn't really care about me.  I am just the keeper of his closet. He will stay in that damn thing till the day he dies. But I am leaving this dark, forsaken, stuffy, frustrating, pain filled closet for the light.  And I am taking my kids with me.  Because they deserve better than this.  They need to grow up as strong, independent and happy children and I cannot provide that with a partner that is hiding addictions and pretend to be someone he is not.  I agree with Kel, the younger the  children the easier they adapt to their circumstances.  It is better for them to live a true, stable life than being part of a fantasy world that can fall apart easy.  I am still worried about my kids and I take them to a therapist now. She is so amazing.  they learn the kids to be "boss of their own emotions and make clever plans to keep their hearts happy".  She helps them how to deal with fear, loss and sadness.  If you have someone like that available, do take them.  It is short, playful sessions and they learn all within a few sessions.  what is great is that my company is now paying for these sessions as one of my benefits.

I wish you all well.  Stay strong and sane through all your troubles.  Remember to use your logic and brains to evaluate any emotion.  That way you will always know when someone is trying to bullsh*t you.

Mrs Lonely

 

Thu May 11 11:42 am  #22


Re: porn addiction he says

I wish you all well.  Stay strong and sane through all your troubles.  Remember to use your logic and brains to evaluate any emotion.  That way you will always know when someone is trying to bullsh*t you.

Thank you, Mrs Lonely. I wish you the same. You should change your name to Mrs IHaveSeenTheLight!

The last line of Mrs Lonely's post struck a chord in me. It's been my logic and brain that has been keeping me in a place of limbo actually. It's a rather unfortunate thing. I'm a duality in this process that wars with itself. One side of me clearly experiences all the betrayal induced emotions that anyone would consider normal in this situation. The other half of me does not. That half goes work mode and seeks to answer in a strictly clinical way.

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Thu May 11 9:18 pm  #23


Re: porn addiction he says

NO, it doesn't make sense. He's saying it so matter-of-factly because he believes his own bullshit at this point. Being ignored by a female doesn't make men turn to other men. And no, most women out there aren't prostitutes.

If you know you want out, then it doesn't matter how he feels about it or who he blames it on. You want out. You're getting out. Don't get hung up on the details - stay focused on the end goal.  He can think it's the fault of wild rabid monkeys at this point. You.Don't.CARE. He's all f'd up, so you can't go making a f'd up person's onion matter any more.

You're not crazy.  It's not you.  Run and never look back.

Kel


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

Thu May 11 10:47 pm  #24


Re: porn addiction he says

Not a chance. No amount of cold shoulder would make me think about men. Also it seems he is blaming you for everything. How convenient. If you haven't already done so, do a little reading on gaslighting. By making you doubt yourself you become more susceptible to his spin.

 

Wed May 17 3:52 am  #25


Re: porn addiction he says

Oh, the nerve of these men drives me crazy.

Stonehouse, mine also tried to blame my strong personality & work stress as a reason for him turning to porn.  I told him I would understand porn & would even understand an affair, but its the gay porn that I do not buy.  You became detached because your heart and mind understood what your consciousness did not want to accept and was already starting to protect themselves.  

They are calm and can look you straight in the eye and still lie.  He's got years of practice in this.
A sexologist told me that a woman can be any shape and size, they are attractive to men - especially if there is a love connection.  No amount of stress can keep them from their woman.  

Keep strong

 

Wed May 17 4:05 am  #26


Re: porn addiction he says

Mine told me he watched more porn because I'd said I wasn't keen on having kids. Oh cos I thought normal men would sit their woman down and talk about this. No it's my fault he ended up watching so much tranny porn!

 

Wed May 17 6:00 am  #27


Re: porn addiction he says

"..Would the coldest woman in the world potentially make a man turn to gay postings and images to feel desired and connected? .."


No..just no. My ex was the coldest meanest person as soon as she decided to cheat..   but it did not make me look for ads of guys.
If you put a gun to my head I would not like guys.

There is nothing you can do to turn someone  gay.  We get that excuse all the time here...it shows how stupid they think we are..it shows their core low opinion of us. 

Yes it's gaslighting and if you watch the movie you will be scared to realize how demonic it is. It is a form of abuse. 

Sadly one can and must get away from these people.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

Mon May 22 12:00 pm  #28


Re: porn addiction he says

Interesting weekend I've had. He spent the weekend professing his adamant belief that this is all porn escalation, and he's going to prove it by changing everything and "rebooting his brain". Then he gives me a book he ordered on neuroplasticity.

He's stating his porn use is over. His public objectifying is over. His fantasy life is over. His lying is over.

He's now going to "undo" all the conditioning he's done to himself, and get back to the "real" him.

     Thread Starter
 

Mon May 22 12:41 pm  #29


Re: porn addiction he says

I've heard the same from my ex Lyonene. He tells me he's kicked all his bad habits, I tell him being gay isn't a 'habit' he says porn is though and it's the porn that led him there. I'm pretty sure giving up porn isn't going to make him stop wanting what he's wanted all these years. I don't know what's going on in their minds other than denial.

 

Mon May 22 12:54 pm  #30


Re: porn addiction he says

Yes, exactly. 17 years spent indulging in it makes it rather permanent. My reply to him on all this (since he decided to go down this road with me) was - you do understand if you're going to go down neural pathway road with this that you must accept that the neural pathways you've laid down are lifelong. Short of physical brain damage, neural pathways are forever. The study of neuroplasticity states neural pathways can be lessened with disuse. Not deleted.

He just stared at me.

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