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April 1, 2017 1:44 pm  #1


Looking Forward: I deserve...

In such a short time, this forum has given me so much hope. Thank you, thank you for just being here and helping me to feel not alone. I am taking baby steps to finally get off my GIDH's roller coaster. I know this will be a process, especially with two young children. And, although I'm feeling lighter and hopeful now, I know there are difficult and dark days ahead, as well. I wrote this list to remind me why I can't get sucked back in this time by his frenzied attempts to keep me and endless promises and plans:
I deserve:
An authentic love. One that doesn't have to hide in the dark.
To feel light and not squashed under the weight of his issues.
To have someone who empathizes and puts me first all the time, not just when he thinks I'm leaving.
To have happy memories that aren't tainted with lies and hidden betrayals.
To have someone with genuine desire to be my PARTNER, who does household chores without thinking he's just helping me out for a minute.
To have intimate conversations again, not just sit quietly listening to him talk about himself and his hobbies and desires.
To be able to enjoy time with my friends by myself, more than once every 6 months, without being made to feel guilty and having to respond to constant texts.
To have mutual trust.
To have a relationship so fulfilling, I don't need to go outside of it to feel alive and not alone.
To want to come home, not feel overwhelming dread, knowing I'm coming home to him or to just be left alone with the kids again, wondering if he's really where he says.
To be proud of my partner, honestly and completely, and want to spend time with my friends and family with him.
To not have to feel like I need a drink or two just to endure sex.

To be able to tell the whole truth.

 

April 1, 2017 2:57 pm  #2


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

You absolutely deserve all of these things, Eliza. We all do. Thank you for reminding me. This is all new to me, too, relatively, anyway, and I forget sometimes that I am worthy, I am enough.

I imagine there will be some very dark days ahead of me, but like you, I have found hope here.  We are not alone.

Holding good thoughts for you today.

 

April 1, 2017 4:06 pm  #3


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Wow, this should be part of the emergency triage kit for this site. Well said and something we should all remember!


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

April 1, 2017 4:27 pm  #4


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Preach on Sister!!!!   Very well said.  Remember this on your dark days to come.  It will bring you clarity and hope. 
 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

April 1, 2017 4:49 pm  #5


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

What a beautiful and inspiring post! Agreed Daryl!
You WILL get to the other side!

 

April 2, 2017 5:54 am  #6


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Well said Eliza, we all need to remember these words on our darkest days. You deserve to be able to tell your truth one day!


Sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else's war against themselves
 

April 2, 2017 7:26 am  #7


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Eliza, 

You do deserve all of that and more.  Remember YOU, the one you were before him.  

I think it's easy for us to have such a hunger for "real" love that we forget that the #1 most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.  Our self respect, our self esteem, our tolerance levels, and our love for all of the good and bad pieces of us.  

I saw something the other day that spoke to this that I thought was beautiful.  It said: 
I don't want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me,
I want to be full on my own. 
I want to be so complete 
I could light a whole city
and then I want to have you
because the two of us combined 
could set it on fire. -rupi kaur

So glad you're here.  


“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
 

April 2, 2017 9:09 am  #8


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

maresyd wrote:

I don't want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me,
I want to be full on my own. 
I want to be so complete 
I could light a whole city
and then I want to have you
because the two of us combined 
could set it on fire. -rupi kaur
.  

Thank you so much for this. I really needed it this morning. I'm so glad I'm here, too.

     Thread Starter
 

April 3, 2017 9:58 am  #9


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Good going, Eliza!  Your list is excellent!  I'll add a few more:

You deserve to feel completely beautiful and desired by your partner
You deserve to be fully accepted for who you are, warts and all
You deserve to not only love, but truly like and respect your partner (because their actions earn them that)
You deserve to be with someone you implicitly trust
You deserve to occasionally feel like dancing - just because the music moves you and life is grand
You deserve to feel trusted
You deserve a love so wonderful, tender and real that you're sure your friends are not only happy for you, but slightly jealous, too.
You deserve to be with someone you're proud to speak the truth about

Kel
 


You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
 

June 26, 2017 7:53 am  #10


Re: Looking Forward: I deserve...

Added the "Looking Forward" title to this brilliant thread. 

We all deserve these things and should be excited to find a life full of this. 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

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