OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



January 24, 2017 3:51 pm  #1


helping out as Admin

Just a quick FYI. 

Sam added me as an admin after I offered to help out with clerical stuff on the forum.  I spend a lot of time here and want to help out and give back as much as I can.  I have many years of experience as an admin on a very large forum with over 200,000 members, so I thought I could use that experience to help out a bit here.  I was trying to ask if we could separate a group of posts from within another large thread and make them into a new post.  Sadly we've found that our forum software doesn't allow this.  But this is the type of thing that i can work on here. 

To avoid any misconceptions..  I'm not an expert or professional in human psychology in any form or fashion.  I still consider myself a rookie among this group, so please don't think that the title gives any credibility to my thoughts, advice, support, etc..   The title under my name just allows me to help on a clerical basis to make the forum more user friendly and helpful.  It does not qualify me as any kind of expert or leader in any way. 


If anyone has ideas about the forum, please let me know!  I would love to come up with ways to make this an even more valuable resource to our group.. especially those who are in their first few days or weeks of this awful experience we share.     

Last edited by lostdad (January 24, 2017 3:55 pm)


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

January 24, 2017 4:08 pm  #2


Re: helping out as Admin

Some ideas that I want to look into for future.. 

1.)  Triage Kit for new members.  We talked about this a while ago and I haven't forgotten.  I think everyone deserves their own personal and unique thread and our personal support and replies.. but I think there would still be some value in compiling a list of great advice for new members to look through. 

2.)  Resources.  I think having a sticky thread with a list of helpful resources would be valuable.  It could be links to help people find legal help, state aid, women's shelters, child protective services, therapists, local support groups, local Str8 spouse groups, other forums with similar affiliation (ie. MOM), etc.. 

3.)  What if we set up another section of the forum dedicated to moving forward..  maybe something for conversations about how to make the best out of our situations and continue recovery after we are through the emergency room phase.  Perhaps self-help activities, hobbies, dating, letting go of anger, co-parenting, inspiration we can share about how long term members have found happiness, reviews of books or articles or blogs that others might find helpful. etc.. 

Last edited by lostdad (January 24, 2017 4:09 pm)


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
     Thread Starter
 

January 24, 2017 8:58 pm  #3


Re: helping out as Admin

Good deal lostdad.    We're all at different phases of our journey.    So the list of 3 you mentioned is a start.

I have not been able to take on too much extra work with my new life.   In my free time so far I've just been doing house work, reparis and then relaxing and keeping my head above water.   When I have my kid Its been single parent tasks...homework, meals, taking the kid to his sports.  It's been ok so far..    


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

January 24, 2017 11:34 pm  #4


Re: helping out as Admin

Thank you LostDad for stepping up & helping out!

I think a seperate section for Spouses of Trans Gender would be beneficial. The issues are simiar to TGT, but also completly unique & it's like finding a needle in a haystack to get to info that relates to that. Plus, there is only 2 other forums out there & one is so blatantly PRO Stay- "Stand by your man" that any dissent from that puts members on "watch/parole" status or worse, kicked off the site. The other site is hard for searchers to find & not nearly as active as this one.

Good luck & thanks again LostDad!

 

January 25, 2017 7:03 am  #5


Re: helping out as Admin

Hi Lostdad... Congrats on becoming an Admin.  I don't know how Sam has done it alone for so long.

I think there is a real need for at least two new and separate topics:
1. Support for people with Transgender or Transexual spouses
2. Support for people trying to stay in a Mixed Orientation Marriage.

I feel like it would be a bad idea to break up the forum too much into multiple topics and sub-topics.  It's nice to have most of the posts in one place.  That way you can see what is happening quickly and easily without clicking into multiple locations.  I have seen many forums 'out smart' themselves by becoming so complex that they are unusable.

Just my thoughts.

Steve

 


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

January 25, 2017 3:59 pm  #6


Re: helping out as Admin

Steve wrote:

Hi Lostdad... Congrats on becoming an Admin.  I don't know how Sam has done it alone for so long.

I think there is a real need for at least two new and separate topics:
1. Support for people with Transgender or Transexual spouses
2. Support for people trying to stay in a Mixed Orientation Marriage.

I feel like it would be a bad idea to break up the forum too much into multiple topics and sub-topics.  It's nice to have most of the posts in one place.  That way you can see what is happening quickly and easily without clicking into multiple locations.  I have seen many forums 'out smart' themselves by becoming so complex that they are unusable.

Just my thoughts.

Steve

 

Thanks Steve, Sham, Rob. 

Our forum is great and doesn't NEED to be changed.   But if there are ideas that the group likes then I think it's great to talk about and come up with a group decision. 


So question.. how many forum sections are too many?
We have 4 currently:
1.)  General Discussion
2.)  Support
3.)  Is He/She Gay?
4.)  Our Stories

To be fair..  Our stories isn't really a "forum" section for discussion.  It is more a collection of "articles". 

Some new ideas:
1.)  How to move forward?
2.)  Support if your spouse is Transgender/Transexual
3.)  Support for Mixed Orientation Marriage


I like every one of these ideas.. but 7 forum sections is probably too many.  There is line between more forums helping keep things organized so people can find what they want and participate;  Or, the flip side..  too many forum sections which become vacant and people actually avoid them because they don't think anyone will respond.

Thoughts?

Last edited by lostdad (January 25, 2017 4:00 pm)


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
     Thread Starter
 

January 25, 2017 5:47 pm  #7


Re: helping out as Admin

Nice job, lostdad.  I know many people are wanting live support, from someone who gets it.   Maybe a "meetup" section for those that want to, away from a STR8 group, more to remember what it's like to have fun, but someone who will get it if you burst into tears, or need to get frustrations out.   Just an idea...I know many people prefer anonymity due to their situations.  I am of the mind that this is such a lonely secret to keep, and I wish I had the opportunity to just go for a long walk with many of you, knowing that you get it.  


“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely of places.”
 

January 25, 2017 10:43 pm  #8


Re: helping out as Admin

Here's my thoughts. Bear in mind I'm the guy trying to keep it simple... but I see this structure as a bit of a 'step by step' through the process so that people can navigate back and forward depending on where they are at and what sort of information they are looking for.

In this structure people dealing with specific issues can quickly and easily find relevant information eg. they might be dealing with issues around transgender or grappling with child custody issues.

In this structure people in a MOM and those who wish to stay in a MOM might frequent and provide support in the 'Living in a MOM' forum.

Anyway here it is... I doubt it's perfect but it might be a good starting point maybe :

I’M NEW HERE
Forum 1 – Say 'Hi' and introduce yourself
Forum 2 – What you need to know first


  • Forum jargon (pinned post)
  • Newbie triage – What you need to know first (pinned post)

 
SUPPORT
Forum 1 - My spouse is gay, lesbian or bisexual
Forum 2 - My spouse is transgender or transsexual
Forum 3 - Living in a Mixed Orientation Marriage – for those staying in a MOM
Forum 4 - Getting out – Separation, divorce, child custody and other not-fun stuff
Forum 5 - Dealing with the trauma – Emotional and psychological strategies
Forum 6 - Moving on – Life after TGT
 
OUR STORIES

Cheers, Steve


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

January 25, 2017 11:36 pm  #9


Re: helping out as Admin

Thanks jk... I'm sure people will still go off topic... which is fine because that's just how normal conversation works... but if we start with some sort of structure people visiting the site will have some chance of finding information pertinent to their circumstances.

ps I'm not criticizing the site.  It's a GREAT site and has been a God send for many people over the years including myself. But it seems we have a chance to make it even better. These are the things I have seen people request over several years, and these are my 2 cents

Last edited by Steve (January 26, 2017 12:02 am)


You have a future. A good one. It begins as a flicker of hope. Nurture it until it becomes a dream and when you are strong enough you will make it a reality. NEVER give up. 
 

January 26, 2017 9:41 am  #10


Re: helping out as Admin

Steve wrote:

Anyway here it is... I doubt it's perfect but it might be a good starting point maybe :

I’M NEW HERE
Forum 1 – Say 'Hi' and introduce yourself
Forum 2 – What you need to know first


  • Forum jargon (pinned post)
  • Newbie triage – What you need to know first (pinned post)

 
SUPPORT
Forum 1 - My spouse is gay, lesbian or bisexual
Forum 2 - My spouse is transgender or transsexual
Forum 3 - Living in a Mixed Orientation Marriage – for those staying in a MOM
Forum 4 - Getting out – Separation, divorce, child custody and other not-fun stuff
Forum 5 - Dealing with the trauma – Emotional and psychological strategies
Forum 6 - Moving on – Life after TGT
 
OUR STORIES

Cheers, Steve

I really like this layout Steve.  Thanks for putting so much time into brainstorming!

For the sake of discussion and continued brainstorming, let me throw a couple tweaks into your framework and see what people think. 


SUPPORT
Forum 1 – New member introduction and support
Forum 2 – What you need to know first
-Forum jargon (pinned post)
-Newbie triage – What you need to know first (pinned post) 

EDUCATION and General Discussion
Forum 1 - My spouse is gay, lesbian or bisexual
Forum 2 - My spouse is transgender or transsexual
Forum 3 - Living in a Mixed Orientation Marriage – for those staying in a MOM
Forum 4 - Getting out – Separation, divorce, child custody, finances and other not-fun stuff
Forum 5 - Healing and Moving On – Emotional and psychological help to heal and move forward to a better life. 
 
SUCCESS STORIES - "Light at the end of the tunnel"
Accounts from survivors who are months or years beyond TGT. 



Some comments about my tweaks. 

1.)   I feel like the most important function of this forum is to help the brand new people.  We serve as an emergency room or triage center for people who are days up to a few weeks from having the bomb dropped on them.  My first post here was "How do I survive this?"   This group saved me by listening, supporting, advising and just sharing empathy and mutual experience with me.  I think this should be the first thing people see when they load the webpage.
2.)  Logically, "What you need to know first" should be the first thing.  But as I said just above, I think we can all agree that nobody really cares that much about forum etiquette, jargon, pre-reading, or other technicalities when we are in "triage".  I don't want someone in the midst of crisis to have to worry about understanding an acronym before they reach out for help.  So I think this section should be listed second.  Share your story and ask for help first.. after we have helped stabilize the new member, then they can start to learn a bit and process things. 
3.) My version has one less sub-forum under general discussion/education.  I think we can combine dealing with trauma and moving on into one section.  I'd like to combine even more so have fewer sections since our traffic is not very high..  but I think these are incredibly important topics so I don't know how I would shorten the list any more.   Oh.. I added finances to the "getting out" section.  
4.) I changed "Our Stories" to "Success Stories".  I think this description helps avoid confusion for new members who aren't sure where they should post.  Plus it follows the direction of the forum.  We start in the emergency room "Support", then we begin to heal "Learning and General Discussion", then we move on and leave the hospital.. and then later we come back and share our success stories.  I want them to be inspiration to those new members who just can't see any hope in their future. 


Thoughts???  

 Again, this is not my forum.  I'm not the leader.  I'm just here to serve and help with clerical stuff.  Let's keep talking and see if we have more ideas.  Then we can pitch them to Sam and see what he thinks.. and he's good with it, I can remap the forum sections and sort the threads into the correct areas. 


 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
     Thread Starter
 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum