I've been married for 6 years, together for 13. We have 3 young children.

Things have been off for the last 3 years. My husband has been so angry. I blamed myself, thinking I could fix things. I thought it was COVID, the fact that we had 3 kids in 4 years, his job. I kept trying to make things perfect, hoping he would stop being so angry and critical. Hoping that he would treat me with kindness and respect.

About a year ago, I found him sexting an anonymous person he met on the internet. He told me it was my fault because our sex life was pretty minimal. And I believed him. And tried to fix it with counseling and regular sex and pretty doing much anything to make him happy.

No matter what I did, it was never enough. He was always angry, always criticizing my efforts or putting me down. He even told me that sexting was the least damaging thing I could have done, like I should be grateful that's all he did.

I started becoming suspicious something else was going on when we stopped having sex after a big blow up. He wasn't asking for sex, after telling me previously he would die if we didn't have sex at least once a week. I started snooping and found a backpack filled with butt plugs and dildos. And then one day I looked and there was a woman's cheerleading outfit with a blue wig and stockings in the backpack.

I confronted him and accused him of cheating. He told me he wasn't and a week later came out as having gender dysphoria disorder.

I'm so angry. I'm angry at him for blaming me for all these relationship problems when in fact his GDD caused these issues. I'm angry at myself for believing him and putting up with this emotional abuse.

After he told me, I tried to talk to him about his feelings and experience. He brushed me off, stating he needed time and space. He was angry at me for "outing him" before he was ready. He moved out of our bedroom and into the basement.

I tried to imagine myself with my husband as a trans woman. I couldn't see it. And after all the years of emotional abuse and the fact that his anger is now affecting our children, I couldn't stay. I told him our marriage is over.

He is still so angry. He's angry I won't continue in this marriage. I don't know what he expected - for me to stay and raise our kids and cook dinner and clean while he goes out and does whatever he wants with whoever he wants?

Now he's telling people all sorts of lies about me - that I'm an unfit mother, that I am an alcoholic, that my intimacy issues are the reason for our separation. He keeps saying he wants to keep our family together, but he is not acting like it. Why would you say these things if you want to stay together? Again, I'm angry - he has asked me not to tell anyone about his gender dysphoria and out of kindness I haven't told anyone about the sexting, but he's allowed to spread malicious information about me with no repercussions?

I'm so angry and so sad but for the first time in 3 years, I feel confident in the path I have chosen. He can be angry, rude, mean, but that's his issue, not mine.


I am so grateful to this forum. It helps me to feel less alone. And I needed to let it all out because I have no one else I can tell