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June 28, 2016 9:04 am  #1


Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

Hello everyone, I'm pleased to find the new forum!

I know I've been quiet recently - I have been lurking, but not posting as much. My reason why is because I am now in the final stages of my divorce. I'm in the UK, and there's three key documents - 1. the decree nisi, where a judge agrees the relationship has broken down irretrievably, 2. the financial consent order finalising the money, and 3. the decree absolute which formally dissolves the marriage. I have my nisi, and the consent order is now with the judge for consideration - the absolute can't be applied for until 6 weeks after the nisi is issued, and my lawyer has advised me to not apply for it until the money stuff is sorted. The absolute is also a bit of a formality, as that's not something me and my XW have to agree on, I just applied for it and it's granted.

I thought that perhaps I should not post too much on here about how life is going, as my XW knew this site existed and I was using it before we split, and I was concerned she might read what I've put and this might influence the discussions and negotiations about the money. Now the paperwork has gone to the judge, and I'm slightly less paranoid, I thought you might like an update. 

So, to start my message proper! Life is GOOD! Today is my birthday, and I'm turning 32. A year ago, I thought life was pretty much set - I was married, and in routines of day to day life. I wasn't particularly happy, but I thought that life was pretty much as it was going to be and I'd made my peace with that. A year ago, I was still 2-3 months from finding out about my XW's sexuality (I can't remember the exact date anymore, and I'm intentionally making no effort to remind myself!). 

Today, my life is completely different. I have a new lady in my life, who is fantastic. I have an excellent and strengthened relationship with my family. I have a brand new social life, with good friends who previously were only acquaintances but that I never had time for before.

I am much happier than I've been in years. I have a healthy relationship, which makes me realise how unhealthy my previous one was. I have a busy and active life - before I rarely went out, now i'm out all the time. Dates with my girlfriend, seeing my family and events with my friends fill my calendar in a way I've always wanted, but never had before. 

The attacks of low mood have almost entirely passed. The occasional thing pops up and takes me by surprise - for example, small traditions from the previous 12 years which don't happen any more. But TGT doesn't plague me any more - seeing gay people doesn't upset me as it once did. 

Of course I am still processing the pain from the end of my marriage and relationship. This now however feels normal and natural - when I think of the past, it makes me a bit sad as there were many, many happy times in my previous relationship, memories which are now bittersweet. What hurts most is that it's been dragged out through the divorce, which is an ugly, messy thing to deal with. The anger and depression are gone. Frustration remains while the divorce rumbles away, but even that looks like it's nearly done now! 

People have been saying to me today things like "oh, 25 again?", and I reply with "no - I'm happy to be 32". I feel younger today than I have for several years, as I am leading a busier and more vibrant life. 

What I wanted to share today is simple - it gets better! I'm planning to start posting here again, to help others as they helped me. 

 

June 28, 2016 9:35 am  #2


Re: Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

Bob, I can't believe the similarities between us. I'm also 32, I was also with my ex for 12 years, and I also have a wonderful girlfriend.

I wish I felt as good as you though. I'm healthy and active (currently training for a marathon), I have wonderful friends, and I was recently promoted at work. But...I have so much anger and resentment. I want so badly to just let it go and be happy.

Thanks for the inspiration.

 

June 28, 2016 9:41 am  #3


Re: Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

And Happy Birthday!

 

June 28, 2016 2:41 pm  #4


Re: Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

Happy Birthday Bob,
 Glad it is moving along for you. I am 53 now and going on 5 years with a straight wife and am the happiest and most comfortable I have been in years. But like Todd added in this post I do have some lingering resentment but no more anger. The resentment only comes from the loss of half of 27 years of pension. It seems to me I should be able to share my pension with who I retire with.

 

June 28, 2016 9:53 pm  #5


Re: Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

Happy Birthday and thanks for the update, Bob.  You are a baby! Same age as my youngest daughter.  You have many, many years ahead of you to have a wonderful life and family with someone new.  Go for it!

 

June 29, 2016 1:01 am  #6


Re: Today is my birthday, and life is GOOD

Thank you for sharing! Posts like yours are a godsend and give us all hope! Best wishes.


"You want a man who messes up your lipstick, not your mascara."
 

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